Tuesday, July 31, 2012

He tried

Well...............he tried. He tried his hardest to ruin my thankful attitude. You can read my post from Sunday about how my life has me feeling like rainbows and butterflies. But make sure you note at the very end that I say how I know things can change in an instant. And they did. Because Satan was trying his best to try to make me unhappy and worried and everything God doesn't want me to be.

Shortly after writing that post Sunday night, I determined I would try to be in bed by 10:45pm. That was at about 10:30pm. Tessa was sleeping but I had heard her making a dirty diaper so I set her on the ottoman to change it. As I was cleaning her up, she decided to make another present---a BIG messy present (is it too much to inform you that she's been having mustard yellow diarrheah? :) Well, it got all over her sleeper, her swaddler and the ottoman (if you come over, think twice about propping your feet up--haha!). It took a good 20 minutes to get that all cleaned up, get her wiped down and changed and then we were FINALLY heading to bed...........and she decided she was hungry. So we fed her and get her in her bassinet. And then we heard her have another big diaper blow out! So I changed her AGAIN!! That whole process took about an hour, so I finally fell into bed around midnight. But that was okay. She's worth every second of lost sleep.

She woke up again around 4:45am. I was happy because she had slept almost 5 hours straight. But Tommy decided to wake up at the exact same time. And REFUSED to go back to sleep in his bed. So we let him crawl in bed with us and while I was frustrated at the whole mess, I was still feeling blessed because I could look to my right and see my husband and son and could look to my left and see my sweet baby girl. And they were all healthy and safe and that in and of itself is awesome. Once Tommy fell asleep, we put him back in his bed and we both got some more rest.

The next morning (yesterday) we had to take Tessa for her newborn check at our regular doctor.

Obviously from the picture, she was SUPER thrilled to be going out :) I was glad to be leaving the house. We got to the doctor and got both kids checked in. We had gone ahead and scheduled Tommy's 18 month check up and for immunizations. Tommy was in a great mood and found a toy he LOVED that kept him entertained while we waited.

Things were going well, so I let myself relax. Should've known better. They called us back
and took Tommy get his height and weight. And he turned into "that kid."  Full blown yelling and crying and refusing to step on the scale. Nick wrestled with him and finally got him to hold still enough to get a pretty accurate result. By the way, my big boy weighs 28 lbs and has grown to 34 inches!! Insane!! He's getting so tall and skinny. And he definitely doesn't look like a baby anymore. Then it was Tessa's turn. She was 8lbs 1 oz--almost back to her birth weight! She was 7lbs 13oz when we left the hospital. Her length was the same--20 1/2 inches. I made sure to point out to Tommy that Tessa was a big girl and didn't cry when the nurses got her weight! He didn't care ;)

We waited in the room for FOREVER, which would have been okay except I am 99% sure the exam rooms aren't air conditioned. We were literally all soaked with sweat. The nurse took Tommy's temp and said it was 100.5 and asked if he'd been sick. I was tempted to tell her it was simply because we were sitting in the depths of Hades at the moment. But instead, I kindly let her know he had been fine while my irritation at being so hot bubbled up inside me. Tommy proceeded to throw a massive fit every time the nurse or doctor touched him. And they have the door handles that are levers, not knobs, so he escaped the room no less than 5 times. One time, Nick was holding Tessa, so I had to chase him. I picked him up to carry him back to the room while he was going into a full blown exorcism type fit. Big mistake. My stomach and c-section scar are still feeling the repurcussions of that.

The doctor checked out Tommy and everything looked good. Except they said he couldn't have his next shot in the Hep A series because it was a few weeks too early, so we might as well wait to do the rest of his shots until then. More frustration. Now we'll have to do another appt and pay another copay, so I'm not sure what the whole point of even seeing him that day was. But whatever.

Then he checked out Tessa. We had a few concerns.  One of them was the yellow, runny stools I mentioned earlier. She was having those 8-10 times a day. We were also noticing that her breathing was kind of shallow and rapid and seemed to be coming more from her stomach than her chest. The doctors at the hospital had mentioned to watch for that after everything that happened during her delivery. So I didn't know if I was just being a paranoid momma, but I brought it up to the doctor. He listened to her breathing and right away said we needed to go to Wesley and get xrays of her tummy and chest. He said she had tachypnea--irregular and rapid heartbeat. And he was concerned about the diarrheah and just wanted to get them both checked out. So we dropped Tommy off with Brooke (our life saving angel baby sitter aunt--that's her technical name :) and headed to the hospital with Tess.
She was resting easy while mom and dad were worried and frustrated.

We got to the hospital and the process was much easier than I thought it would be. We got all checked in and Tessa got her bracelet. Seemed like we had JUST cut off that same kind of bracelet a few days earlier!!
We got an information packet and a map to get us to xray. Tessa made sure to read everything carefully before signing.

 I prayed that we wouldn't have to wait long and God answered that prayer. It only took about 45 minutes to get checked in, have the xrays and leave. I hated the xray part. They weren't hurting her at all, but she was SO tiny on that big huge table and she was screaming because she was cold.

The actual x-ray only took about 10 minutes and boy was she glad when they were over!! She stopped crying as soon as she was in Daddy's arms. And of course, she hit the bottle pretty hard and fell right asleep after her rough day.

We went and picked up Tommy and got both kiddos home and got to spend some time together as a family. I only had one short little melt down the whole day and quickly realized I was letting fear run away with my mind. We've been praying her x-rays are fine and are trusting that He is taking care of it all. We're still waiting on results. Satan tried.........he tried REALLY hard to ruin my day. But I know that God is in control! YOU LOSE, SATAN!!!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Give Thanks

Tonight, my heart is overflowing. It's never felt quite this full before.

When we were at the hospital after Tessa's birth, a random man came into the room. I had no idea who he was or why he was there, but that was the case with about every other person that came in. SOMEBODY was always coming into our room. He started asking about Tessa's delivery and we let him know it was a little rough, but that she was perfect now. He walked over to her and I started thinking maybe he was a peds doctor or something like that. He put his hand on Tessa and then pointed out that he was the chaplain and asked if he could say a blessing over her. I don't know if it was my post birth hormones or what, but I immediately teared up. I told him that of course he could bless her, so everyone in the room bowed their heads while he said his blessing. He said, "May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace." It was all I could do not to lose it. While he was praying, I kept thinking about how things COULD have been.

If one single thing had happened differently, Tessa might not be here. Point blank, she wasn't breathing when she was born. At all. My mind ran through the what ifs---what if I had started laboring at home and she wasn't on a monitor until it was too late? What if I hadn't gotten my epidural when I did and they had to do general anesthesia but they weren't fast enough and she died? What if someone intubated her wrong and they couldn't get her the oxygen she needed? All it would have taken was ONE thing. But God SO had it under control. That chaplain's blessing reminded me of that. Instead of thinking about how badly Tessa's little life could have ended, I needed to just be so thankful that she was even here.

All day today, I've been staring at my husband, son and daughter and trying to figure out how I got so lucky. My husband.......he's amazing. He's been by my side for absolutely every moment that he could be. He spoils me rotten and refuses to let me do anything for myself until my c-section is feeling better. He can read me like a book and knows what I need before I do. I can rest assured knowing that there's nothing in the world he wouldn't do for me. I feel like God's blessings have been layed on my life so abundantly.

My son and daughter are amazing. I don't know what kind of person Tessa is going to be yet,but I know Tommy's heart and it's so good and loving. To see their little faces is to see the hand of God. I don't know how you could see a child and not KNOW that God exists. His love is perfected in them. It's such a gift that their lives are entertwined with mine.

Tomorrow, things might be a little harder than they were today. Maybe Tommy will be grumpy or Nick and I will be exhausted. Maybe we'll be running late all day or have everything that could possibly go wrong actually go wrong. But today, I have no choice but to recognize that God is awesome and I have been blessed beyond anything I could ever imagine. I don't deserve one single day of this life, but by the grace of God, I'm living it.

Nick, Tommy and Tessa--you are everything. EVERYTHING. I will do my best to be a better wife and mom every day. Forgive me when I fail, because I promise I will at some point, but know that I will be happy as long as you all are in my life. Thank you God for your goodness.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The beginning

Even though Tessa's entry into life was not ideal, the beginning of our family of four has been absolute perfection. There were so many things I was worried about--sleep, Tommy's adjustment to Tessa, etc. Now don't get me wrong....I know things can change in the blink of an eye with a newborn and toddler, but once we left the hospital, we've had nothing but awesome hours with our sweet babies.

Tommy has done GREAT with Tessa. He was a little hesitant at first, but is now very attentive and loving to his sissy. Every time she cries, he says, "Uh oh!" and runs to her. He'll peek over her bassinet and talk gibberish to her that actually seems to soothe her....or confuse her long enough to make her stop fussing :)

He LOVES holding her bottle so she can eat. He's truly been such a good helper. He's able to go get diapers if we need them or help put her binky in when she needs it. He's so quick to help out and doesn't see to mind at all!!

He even "helped put her headband back on." See it on her ear there? He ever so gently placed it there after she accidentally pulled it off :)

He's had a few moments of defiance, but hello--that's our every day life with an 18 month old :) The whole time we were at the hospital, whenever someone asked if this was my 2nd child and I said yes, it of course led to the fact that I have an 18 month old son at home. Which in turn led EVERY person in the world to say, "Oh! You're going to be one busy lady!!" To which I replied, "Yup. Kid's keep you busy!" Honestly, I think I had that conversation at least 20 times. Having everyone "warn" me (even though I already knew) that I was going to be busy had me on edge about coming home. But honestly, it's gone SO much smoother than I thought possible.

There is nothing, NOTHING, I love more in the world than the love that I've seen between Tommy and Tessa. I hope and pray that they're going to be so close as they're growing up. I know right now they don't necessarily understand their relationship but you can tell that they both know that the other one belongs in their life. It's awesome.

My kids......my husband.......my life in general is amazingly blessed.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

She's here!

Tessa is FINALLY here. And what a story to tell on this little girl.............

I went in Tuesday afternoon at 4pm to my OB office. I was having a Foley Bulb put in. Basically, that's a balloon that they put in your cervix while it's still deflated and then once it's inserted, she fills it with fluid and it's supposed to help you dilate and possibly send you into labor. She let me know if my contractions got to be 5 minutes apart to head to the hospital. She also said it was possible the bulb would fall out and that was okay too.

Well I started having contractions around 5:30 or so and had them consistently every 15 minutes. I was SO excited and thought that we would for sure be going in to the hospital before my scheduled induction time the next day. I labored for about 1 1/2 hours.........and then the bulb fell out. And contractions stopped :( SO bummed. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to use any drugs to induce, but once the bulb fell out, I gave up hope and tried really hard to get some rest.

We got up around 6:30am (Nick worked 3rd shift, so he went to work Tuesday night around 7:45pm and got home in time to take me in for the induction). We did a short little photo shoot as our last pictures of a family of 3. Tommy was obviously overjoyed.........

We got around and packed up the car and headed to the hospital. They checked me in, got all my paperwork done and then got me hooked up to all my monitors. Everything was going great. They checked my cervix and I was dilated to 3 1/2 cm. I was even starting to have a few contractions on my own without drugs, so Dr. Hague decided to go ahead and break my water at 8:52am. That took me immediately to 4 cm. Things were going so much faster and smoother than they did with Tommy! I was SO encouraged by that! I continued to have contractions....they hurt, but weren't unbearable. They let me know I could have an epidural whenever I wanted and then just monitored me. But at about 9:30am, four nurses rushed into my room in a panic. The resident, Dr. McMurray, told one of them to STAT page Dr. Hague. We had no idea what was going on but were quickly informed that Tessa's heart rate had dropped drastically. They put oxygen on me and decided to put her on an internal heart monitor to make sure the heart rate was accurate and put in an internal contraction monitor to be sure my contractions were picked up on the monitor. They said she had been decelerating with each contraction, but the last one had been really bad. I think she got down into the 60s and she had been/was supposed to be in the 140 range. I was crying because it freaked me out to see the nurses panicking. But they assured me she was back to normal and let me know if it happened again, they would have to do a c-section.

I decided to go ahead and get an epidural at that point because if something happened emergently, I wanted to be able to be ready for a c-seciton ASAP instead of getting general anesthesia that completely knocked me out. If I got general anesthesia, I wouldn't be awake when she was born and Nick wouldn't be able to be in the room during the procedure.  That was at 10:30am. I LOVED my anesthesiologist. His name was Dr. Stapleton and he was amazing. He explained everything thoroughly and made sure I understood and was comfortable with everything that was happening.

After my epidural, I was on cloud nine! I felt NO pain. They gave me a button to push any time I thought I needed more medication. I was set and ready to have a baby!!

And then everything changed in an instant. At 12:15pm, I had a contraction that made her decelerate quickly and horribly low. Her heart rate dropped to 40bpm. I knew immediately something was wrong because the monitor beeping had almost all but stopped. Five people came running, paging Dr. Hague again and started ripping all my monitors off the wall. They threw some scrubs to Nick and told him to get dressed because we were going for an emergency c-section. From the time they wheeled me back to the time she was out, it was about 5 minutes.She was born at 12:24pm. I was so confused and panicked and had NO idea what was happening. My medication wasn't quite strong enough and I could feel them cutting me open and ripping my incision apart to get her. It was SO painful. Nick wasn't allowed in the OR and when they pulled her out, I knew immediately that she wasn't breathing. She was dark purple and I heard no crying. I started crying because nobody would tell me what was going on. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them working on her..........they put a tube in her throat and were using the manual pump bag to make her breathe. I could see her little chest heaving but knew it wasn't because she was breathing but because they were making her breathe. That went on for about 2-3 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Finally, the anesthesiologist told me she was breathing on her own and they let Nick come in the room. We got to see her for about 30 seconds before she was taken to NICU. My heart was broken and I wanted nothing more than to hold my baby girl. But instead, I had to lay as still as possible while they stitched me up and talked about how now I was a high risk for infection. Then we had to wait 30 minutes for x-ray to come and x-ray my stomach to be sure no instruments were left behind since they didn't have time to do a precount of everything they used.

They took us back to our room and let my mom and sister come back. We were all praying for Tessa that she was okay. FINALLY, my nurse came and said she was looking good and started breathing well on her own. They kept telling us for 2 hours that she was going to be brought back to our room soon, but she never was. Nick finally just went to NICU to see her and I got these sweet pictures:

She looked perfect.  But my arms were literally aching to hold her. My heart was broken that she wasn't with her mommy and daddy as soon as she was born. They moved me up to the 5th floor and said she would be with me quickly. But she wasn't. It was about FIVE HOURS LATER that I FINALLY got to hold her. It was Heaven!!!! She's amazing and I'm more in love than ever. I've never, EVER experienced something so traumatic and horrible as thinking you're watching your newborn die. SO awful. I'm praising God with every breath that she's okay and has no side effects from being without oxygen after birth. She's healthy and alive and totally amazing.

Tessa Grace
8lbs 2oz
20 1/2 inches
July 25, 2012

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

39 weeks

How Far Along? 39 weeks.......and this WILL be my last post :)

Maternity Clothes? yup. Just for ONE MORE DAY!!

Weight Gain? 23 pounds....it just keeps climbing and climbing

Stretch Marks? No new ones

Gender? Girl!!!

Sleep? What's sleep?

Food Cravings? None. It all sounds disgusting. Too bad I get hungry at all!
What I Miss? Not gaining weight every week :) Bending over easily, picking things up without psyching myself up for it

Symptoms? Tired. All the time. Pelvic pain.
Movement? Lots of little shrugs, but she's running out of room

Belly button? In

Worst Moment of the Week? Nothing bad!

Best Moment of the Week? Knowing I'm having her tomorrow!
Scariest Moment of the Week? Also knowing I'm having her tomorrow. Holy cow!!


To my baby boy--

Today is your last day as an only child. When you woke up this morning, I wanted so badly to snuggle you and hold you and kiss you to my heart's content.....but you weren't having it :) I did get you to lay down in bed with me to watch some cartoons and eat some Fruit Loops. My heart will forever be imprinted with that picture of your little blond head propped up on my pillow with your hand hanging out the Fruit Loop bag and your crooked little smile popping up every few seconds. It was the perfect start to our day and I could've layed there for hours with you tucked in my arms.

I wonder if you'll ever know....if you'll ever TRULY understand how you've changed my life. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I had absolutely no idea or concept of YOU or of being a parent. I knew I'd love you but I didn't know my heart would be so desperately attached to this other little human being. You have the ability to make or break my day. I LOVE when we're having fun together and get sad when one of us is too grumpy to enjoy the other because I know how much fun we COULD be having together. But our bad days are few and far between. You are pretty happy most days and when you throw fits, they're usually short lived.

There are so many things about you that make me laugh--your facial expressions being one of them. We never, EVER have to guess what you're thinking. You're just like your momma in that aspect--every emotion you're going through is on your face the instant you're feeling it. Your little sense of humor is so funny and I think you're going to be a class clown. When you do something that gets a laugh, you do it over and over and OVER :) You even love to make yourself laugh!

Your energy is amazing. Like....truly amazing. There are some days you come home and you just run circles around the basement, laughing the whole time. You constantly want to be moving or playing or arranging things. You are good at entertaining yourself and never seem to have a dull moment. We struggle a little sometimes because there are certainly days I have to get stuff done and you just want to run around and play with me, but we're getting to where you finally understand there are times mommy just has to say no (which I hate doing).

Your heart is the sweetest little thing. I sometimes joke that you're like the sour patch kids on TV because you do something that's not nice (like hitting me or daddy) and then you immediately go in for a hug because you regret doing it and know it wasn't good. Whenever we say we're sad or act like we're crying, you run over and hug us until we're smiling again. Mommy's had a hard time getting off the couch being so hugely pregnant and when you see me struggling, you come over and pull with your little tiny hands to try to help me up. You're just such a helper--with the laundry, the dishes, EVERYTHING. Sometimes it complicates the task I'm trying to do, but I try really hard to let you "help" because that's such a good quality to have.

I could go on about you for days. I love you so much more than I ever dreamed possible. You are my buddy, forever my firstborn. You've taught me everything I know about being a mother. I get so sad to think about the day that you might not like me anymore (and I'm SURE that day will come in your teenage years :). I wish I could keep you my little guy forever--small enough to carry to bed when you conk out at night, small enough to hold in a bear hug so you can't escape my kisses, small enough to fit perfectly with your head on my shoulder and your legs wrapped around me. But I also love watching you grow and learn and change into the person you were meant to be.

I will never forget the 18 months that you were my only child. I hope you never feel forgotten or ignored. I hope you know me and daddy will always, ALWAYS have time for you. There is nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you. I love coming home to your ornery grin. I love seeing your blond head pop up over the side of the bed. I love watching you run with your little legs flying in every direction. You are not perfect, but you are the perfect son for us. I thank God for you and everything you are. I love you Tommy!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

18 months

He's 18 months old already. I can't BELIEVE it!! Time has been flying by with all the big events our family has had lately. And through it all, my baby boy is becoming a BIG BOY! Makes me excited and sad all at the same time. He's doing so much and I'm afraid that with everything going on, I'm going to blink and this time in his life will be over. But I'm doing the best I can to capture every moment in my mind and as many as I can remember with my camera :)

Tommy, at 18 months, you are:

*SO busy! You LOVE to constantly be moving. Even if I wasn't 9 months pregnant, I know I'd have a super hard time keeping up with you. You love getting piggy back rides. You FINALLY understand that mommy is not a good person to get horsey rides from so you are constantly begging for one from Daddy, Nana and Aunt Brooke. You keep them VERY busy.

*talking some. You repeat a lot of words, but you don't seem to use them all consistantly and you haven't said any short sentences yet. But I know you're still young and every baby talks in their own time, so I'm not worrying about it too much yet. Your favorites right now are gosss (gross), Dad, Mom, ahhhht!! (hot), and dog.

*really getting into TV. Not that that's a great thing, but it's pretty funny to watch you watching your "shows." I'll say I'm gonna turn your show on and you come running as fast as you can and stand right underneath the TV and just go into a zone. I try to limit it to 20-30 minutes at a time and you're usually busy doing something else while you're watching TV, but it's a good way to let me get some work done!

*really turning into a daddy's boy. You've always been one, but even more so lately. You can't get enough of following him around and wrestling while making a ton of fake wrestling noises :) That's my favorite to watch! But you are TRULY obsessed with his mower. Every time we go in the garage, you hug the mower and point to it to ask for a ride. You always help daddy mow and I love to watch you guys out there together.

*eating like crazy lately! You went through a phase where you wouldn't eat anything and you just picked at your food, but the last few weeks, you must have hit a growth spurt because you do not. stop. eating! You carry food around with you all the time and only set it down long enough to play for a few minutes or get a drink. You've even started eating meat.........FINALLY!!

*so smart. You understand almost everything we say to you .We've also taught you to do the sign language for please and you've figured out that we can rarely say no to you when you're doing the little motion for please and putting on your puppy eyes :) You definitely use that to your advantage! I think you've picked up too on the fact that something big is about to change in life! You've been very cuddly and snuggly with me lately, which is not your typical style. You just understand so much and learn so much every day!

*weighing in around 28 lbs.

*34 inches tall. I don't know how accurate that measurement was, but you've definitely been growing lately! You're getting so tall and skinny!!

*still wearing a size 5 diaper.

*in a size 7 shoe and even that's getting too small! Your feet grow like crazy. You're obsessed with shoes and with taking yours off to make us smell your stinky feet. You shove them by our face and start sniffing until we say, "Ewww!! Stinky feet!" You always try to put our shoes on us and you like walking around in our shoes too.

*a new fan of popcorn! Nana loves popcorn and you've just started being interested in it. You grab fistfuls at a time and cram them into your mouth. You can down half a bag of popcorn in 10 minutes! Guess it's another part of your growth spurt :)

*starting to dance again! You stopped for awhile, but now when you hear music (more specifically when I sing "Shake, shake, shake! Shake, shake, shake! Shake your booty--uh huh!!"), you start dancing like crazy and smiling and shaking your hips. It's too cute. I try to get video, but of course you stop doing it as soon as the camera's out.

Tommy, you are such a character. You make me laugh every day and also drive me a little insane every day :) You are constantly moving and busy. I can't wait to see you as a big brother! You've gotten to be such a helper lately and I love having you to teach things to and to watch you grow and learn. You are so amazing and getting to know your personality is so much fun. Thank you for being the best firstborn kiddo we could have ever asked for. I love you so much, baby boy!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


I'm tired of being pregnant. So tired. I know I'm one in a zillion women in their 38th week of pregnancy wishing that their baby would come out, but REALLY!!! COME ON!!! I think talking to my OB about inducing a week early shouldn't have happened. Because now, in my head, I've been thinking of her due date as a week earlier than it actually is (which would be next week) so then I feel like I'm literally at the end and she should be coming out any time. But I actually have 2 weeks left :( Which is not that long, but it seems like an eternity!

I saw the PA this morning and hadn't really made any progress since last week. She said I'm at ALMOST 2cm (but I'm pretty sure she was exaggerating my 1cm to make me feel better) and I'm still 80% effaced. Which is better than nothing, but it just means nothing's happened lately. I had asked my OB several weeks ago if inducing one week early was a possibility since Brooke gets married the week after my due date. She said she didn't think it would be a problem, but she's been putting off scheduling a date. Every time I go, she says we'll look at scheduling next time. So today, I saw the PA and I asked her if she was able to schedule it. She said she'd have to talk to Dr. Hague and then they'd have their scheduler set it up for next week! My heart got really happy......but I'm trying not to get excited because I don't want to be let down just in case I don't end up going early. So I guess I'll just have to keep waiting.........and watching. I keep sending up prayers for myself and my friend Stacia (who is almost 39 weeks) that we'll go into spontaneous labor so we don't have to wait for scheduled inductions or c-sections. So far, God's taking His time on answering THAT prayer, but that's okay.

For now, I'm going to try REALLY hard not to be discouraged and to remember that I will never again have the unique experience of being pregnant with Tessa (or any other baby for that matter :). Even if I have to go to 40 weeks, that's only 2 weeks away! And that's gonna fly by.......right??!?!?

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

38 weeks

How Far Along? 38 weeks (I'm hoping to not have to do a 39 week post, but I have a feeling she's not coming any time soon).

Maternity Clothes?  yes, but the pickins are getting slim. Not much fitting anymore.

Weight Gain? 19 pounds. I had lost 6lbs last week from not feeling well, but as soon as I ate something, it all came back :) I have given in to the weight gain and decided not to feel bad about it. It's almost over anyways!

Stretch Marks? No new ones

Gender? Girl!!!

Sleep? Horrible. It's pretty much non-existant. I can't get comfortable and just about the time I start to, I have to pee. Which is okay, because it means she's dropped!!!! Her movements are much lower and I have use the bathroom ALL the TIME!

Food Cravings? All I've craved this week is chewy sprees. I found some at the gas station but when I went to eat them, they were NOT chewy. Epic fail.

What I Miss? Not gaining weight every week :) Bending over easily, picking things up without psyching myself up for it

Symptoms? Tired. All the time. But then I get these crazy bursts of energy where I can't stand to be sitting and I actually get a few things done.

Movement? Slowing down more. She seems to have bursts of energy like her mama. She'll go awhile without moving until I start to get just the slightest bit worried and then BAM! She's rolling up a storm!

Belly button? In

Worst Moment of the Week? Nothing bad!

Best Moment of the Week?  Hearing I was 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced. At least those contractions got me somewhere!

Scariest Moment of the Week? Nothing scary!

Monday, July 16, 2012

It's done!!

Well, it's BEEN done for a few weeks now, but I just got around to taking pictures of it. The kids are going to share a room and at first, I was totally stumped on what I wanted to do. Well, I knew what I WANTED to do. I wanted to make a pink room for Tessa and have a separate boy room for Tommy. But we live in an old farmhouse and there's only 2 rooms on one floor, so our only option was for them to share! I knew I wanted bright colors that were a mix of boy and girl. And for some reason, I love owls. Don't ask why...........I've just always really liked them. I actually bought an owl lamp when I was doing Tommy's nursery (that he never slept in :), so I decided to google owl curtains and see what I could find.

And just like THAT, I had my nursery plan! I found the curtain in the pictures below. It's actually a shower curtain and I thought it was cloth. But when it showed up, it was vinyl. I ALMOST sent it back, but love it so much that I just put a cloth curtain behind it and called it good. That curtain brought in all the colors I wanted in the nursery without making it too crazy!

This is the view from the doorway. Tommy on the left, Tessa on the right.

My baby girl's future home!

Tommy's big boy bed that he LOVES sleeping in!

 His name--underneath is a frame on the left that says "You are my sunshine" (because he instantly calms down when I sing that song) and the frame on the right is subway art of all things about Tommy!

 Her name--underneath on the left is her subway art and on the right is the saying, "I love you up to Heaven and back to Earth" because that's what my  mom used to tell me all the time.

Lockers I got for free!! LOVE how they turned out. These are to the immediate right of the doorway. I threaded a rod through the top and bottom and Tessa's clothes are hanging on the top and Tommy's will be hanging on the bottom. However, we're going to leave one of the sides on the bottom without anything in it. Tommy LOVES playing in it!! Weird, I know, but he seriously gets in and out of that locker for hours!
 The only piece of furniture I bought new :) Ladder bookshelf. It's not filled quite the way I want it, but I have a few finishing touches to put on there! This is to the immediate left of the doorway.
Final view from the door again.

Overall, I really love how it turned out. And it was fairly inexpensive!
Dresser--already had it
toddler bed--free off facebook
crib--$30 at garage sale
red lockers--free off craigslist
ceiling fan--$25
chinese lanters--$10 for all
paint--discount can already that color at Wal-Mart--$11
colored plastic tubs--$1.50 for all 3 at garage sale
changing pad--$0.50 at garage sale
tommy's bed spread--$13 at Target
tommy's side rail--$15 at Wal-Mart
picture frames--$3 for all 6 at garage sales

So for $159 I got everything (including furniture) that I needed for my babies to have a cute and functional room. I'm just so glad I found stuff that wasn't TOO girly or TOO boyish. I hope they're comfortable in there together. Tommy loves it so far.....now just to get Tessa settled!! Soon!!

Sunday, July 15, 2012


So they're a few weeks late, but I promised pictures at one point of the 3rd and 4th of July, so I'm here to deliver on my promise :) Nothing overly exciting, but it was a fun few days!

Tommy played in our "redneck sprinkler" for quite awhile. Really, it's just a shoddy old hose with a bunch of holes in that has an awesome spray that comes out of it. He LOVED it! Aunt Brooke and Uncle Michael played with him for a long time too, so he had a lot of fun with that.

 Then they told him to come give Mommy a hug......so he came running!! It was a really wet and cold hug, but it was one of the best he's ever given!

 He spent a lot of time on people's laps. He really liked watching the fireworks, but the sudden noises startled him every time! It was kind of funny. So he would run to the closest person and crawl up on their lap :) And then he'd jump RIGHT back up and be at it again!

 His most recent obsession is his Cozy Coup, Charlie. He looooves that car. The picture below is of him hugging it and giving it "loves." He loves getting in and out of it every 30 seconds. Funny boy!

 He even sat in it a lot of the night to watch the fireworks :)

These boys............they are my everything. MAJOR heart overflow.

The last three of these are all from the actual 4th of July. Nick, Tommy and I spent the day together. We went swimming and just hung out and it was SO nice to get a whole day of relaxation and fun as a family. Didn't get a lot of pictures, but our evening was perfect. We sat outside and shot off a few fireworks we had left and then watched the almost 360 degree view of all the big fireworks shows all around us while Tommy blew bubbles to his hearts content. He also found a rotating stool in daddy's garage that he became obsessed with!

 This little boy has me heart and soul!

Hope everyone else had an awesome holiday!! The next one that comes around will find us as a family of four! Holy smokes!!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Dang it!!

Well dang it!! I thought I was going in to labor yesterday. But I wasn't. I woke up feeling really nauseous and having some stomach cramping. I thought it was some flu type stuff because a girl at work had been sick lately and I hadn't felt awesome the last few days, so I ignored it and went to work. At around noon, I had what I was pretty sure was a contraction, but I convinced myself it was wishful thinking. Well, 20 minutes later, it happened again. They weren't crippling, but they definitly made me catch my breath and try to find a more comfortable position (which was impossible). I made sure to pay attention to how far apart they were and how long they were lasting. They were all around 45-60 seconds long and were coming pretty consistantly at about 15-25 minutes apart. And they freaking hurt!! My back was throbbing and I was hoping I wasn't having back labor (I've never heard ANYTHING good about that!). I've been all for trying to go "natural WITH drugs" this time instead of c-section but once I had those contractions, I started remember how bad it hurt with Tommy and it was making me rethink that whole thing!!

I stayed at work. Everyone kept telling me to go home, but I knew that would be pointless because if it was false labor, I would have wasted sick leave and if it was real labor, they wouldn't have taken me at the hospital until they were only 5 minutes apart. Soooo.......I stuck it out. It sucked, but now I'm glad I didn't leave. Since Nick is still working 3rd, he had to leave at 7:30pm to go to work and I was still having contractions so Brooke and Michael came over and helped me with Tommy and baby-sat me. My family has been so awesome!!! Brooke stayed the night last night and my mom has been staying the night so I wouldn't be home alone while Nick was at work if I DID go in to labor. I'm truly blessed with all the willing and helpful people in my life. Last night proved that if NOTHING else came from it :)

I finally stopped having contractions at around 10:30pm. My back was still hurting a lot and my stomach was super nauseous, but I was able to fall asleep around 1am and when I woke up, that seemed to be better too. I just have to say.........I hope all the false hope and painful contractions I went through yesterday were worth SOMETHING. I go to the OB tomorrow and last time I was dilated 1 cm. Well tomorrow, I better be at like at LEAST 2 and somewhat effaced or I'm going to cry. Those contractions had to have been doing something to help my labor along!

Regardless, I know she's going to be here so soon. I'm getting excited and nervous and anxious and mentally and physically exhausted. I'm ready to start our new normal! Come on Tessa!! Mommy wants to see your sweet face!!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Full term! Now come out!!

How Far Along? 37 weeks. Tessa is officially baked! Now GET OUT!!

Maternity Clothes? Yeah, but my options are running out. Now it's pretty much loose sundresses and that's it.

Weight Gain? 17 lbs. I was doing so good until the last 3-4 weeks. Now it's like OUT OF CONTROL!!

Stretch Marks? No new ones

Gender? Girl

Sleep? What's that? Doesn't really happen anymore. I wake up to pee and can't go back to sleep. Ever.

Food Cravings? Nothing. Nothing sounds good ever. I feel full all the time because this girl's all up in my business. Drop already, little lady!!!

What I Miss? Breathing normally, holding Tommy on my lap, not feeling uncomfortable ALL the time.

Symptoms? Heartburn from everything, hip pain, general discomfort, cramping (come on contractions!!!)

Movement? Rolling and a few random kicks here and there.

Belly button? In

Worst Moment of the Week? When my hip pain started and my cramping started. Although I know it's signs that she's coming soon, it doesn't feel very good!

Best Moment of the Week? Getting lots of sweet cuddles and hugs from my boy. I think he knows something's about to change, but he's not sure what. But he's been SUPER sweet lately.

Scariest Moment of the Week? Nothing scary this week!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

3rd of July

My 3rd of July was the perfect mix of horrible and awesome. I wasn't going to take any time off work before maternity leave, but one of the doctors that I work for had taken off several days around the 4th and I was so physically and emotionally worn out that I decided to just bite the bullet and take of the day before the 4th of July.  I planned a doctor's appointment for Tommy to establish care at the doctor that Nick and I see. He's been seeing a pediatrician in Andover who I really like, but I don't like any of his PAs or nurse practitioners and it's kind of hard to actually get an appointment WITH him, so we decided to transfer care. I also planned for my 36 week OB appointment to be that day.

So Tommy's appointment was scheduled for 8:50am. My sister went with us and I hauled butt making sure to get there on time because it is one of my biggest pet peeves when people are late to the doctor. I had all my paperwork done, so I got checked in quickly and paid my copay. We took Tommy back to the kid's area to play until it was our turn. I heard someone call my last name, so I got our stuff and went to go back, but the nurse wasn't at the door. So I assumed I was crazy and put all our stuff back so Tommy could keep playing. Then I heard it again. I looked up and the receptionist was flagging me down like I was her waitress or something. I went to the desk and in between talking to another lady to check in, she told me that she needed to reschedule my appointment because I was late. I said, "How late?? Like, 1 minute? I got here right at 8:50am." She VERY rudely said, "Your appointment was at 8:40am." So while trying to explain AND apologize that there had been a misunderstanding (and it was only 10 minutes) in what time the appointment was, she interrupted me several times and demanded my receipt back from my copay so she could refund my account. She didn't give me a chance to explain and I was so mad and embarrassed at that point that I tossed my receipt on the counter and left. And then cried for like, 30 minutes (due to the pregnancy of course :). I was SO mad. 10 minutes?? On accident? REALLY?!?! I could understand if it was 30 minutes and I wasn't apologetic and it was a chronic problem. But we're ALWAYS on time, it was a misunderstanding and I cannot TELL you how many times I've gone there and waited for an hour or more to be seen. You can't tell me if they had gotten me back in a room, even if I was 10 minutes late, that the doctor would've been in there right away to see me. So I waited until I stopped crying and then called the office manager to let her know how pissed off disappointed I was about their service. She said (of course) that she was so sorry and that wasn't how it was supposed to be dealt with. Then she asked if we got Tommy's appointment rescheduled. To which I responded by laughing and letting her know we wouldn't be bringing him back.

Then me, Brooke and Tommy killed some time at Hobby Lobby until my appointment at 10:50am. We got to my OB office and I went to check in. And they proceeded to inform me that Dr. Hague was actually at the west side location that day. Of course she was! Why would I have been at the right place at the right time?!? I was 100% sure that I had NOT been informed this appointment was on the west side though, so I asked if there was any other doctor I could see or another time that day that I could be seen. She called the west side and they said I could head over and be seen there. Thank God! The doctor was very nice about it and said she was sorry I had to drive to the west side. It was how a patient SHOULD be treated when there's a misunderstanding!! That appointment went well. I'm 1cm dilated (only  9 more to go!!) and her heartbeat was good.

So after those appointments, we FINALLY headed home and started getting ready for the BBQ we were having at our house. My family came over and we had smoked ribs, potato salad, pasta salad, rolls and a million other delicious things. It was SOOOOOOO good and we've been eating left overs all week! We just hung out for several hours outside, shooting off fireworks and enjoying each others company. After my stressful morning, it was the perfect relaxing evening that I needed!! I have tons of pictures that I'll post soon of Tommy enjoying himself. This kid is so hilarious and makes me laugh constantly. It was fun to see him watching the fireworks and running around outside. Hope everyone had a safe and fun 4th of July!!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

36 weeks

How Far Along? 36 weeks

Maternity Clothes? Yes and they're getting too small :(

Weight Gain? 15 lbs. MAKE IT STOP!!!!

Stretch Marks? No new ones

Gender? Girl

Sleep? Not too awesome lately. Laying on my hips hurts, so I'm never comfortable enough to sleep for more than an hour at a time.

Food Cravings? Nothin really lately. I seem to be over my donut phase and haven't really moved on to anything else.

What I Miss? Not being out of breath all the time, my ankles, painting my toe nails, hopping up off the floor.

Symptoms? Some serious heartburn and disgustingly swollen ankles and fingers.

Movement? Slowing down quite a bit. She's doing a lot of rolling and shifting, but I'm hoping she's calming down and preparing for labor!!

Belly button? In

Worst Moment of the Week? Going to the ER for my kidney infection. Super sucky.

Best Moment of the Week? Getting in lots of quality time with the baby and the hubs. Also, we got our bedroom moved upstairs, so that's one more nesting project to cross off my list. Now I just need to finish their playroom!

Scariest Moment of the Week? The kidney infection. I was worried it would stress Tessa out. But no harm done, thank God!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Quick Trip

As much as I LOVE Quik Trip, this is not a post about how wonderful they are (especially they're glazed donuts.....yummmm). I digress. On Thursday, I took a quick trip to labor and delivery! Not exactly what I had in mind for the day, but none-the-less, it happened.

Wednesday night, Tommy stayed the night with my mom because he hadn't been sleeping well the last few nights, which means I hadn't been sleeping well the last few nights. Between him waking up every few hours and me going pee every few hours, I think I had slept a total of about 6 hours for 2 nights. So she took him Wednesday in hopes that I would catch up on my rest. And I did.....until 5am. I woke up and my left side was hurting SUPER bad on my back and it wrapped around to my stomach. I knew immediately it was the exact same feeling I had in November when I had my kidney infection. Part of me wanted to wait and see if it would go away, but I was worried that pain would make my blood pressure high and my blood pressure being high would stress Tessa. So I called my mom to come over and be on stand by in case I needed to get to the ER quick (Nick works third shift, so he wasn't home--he was being kept up to date by phone and text). I remembered how freaking painful my last kidney infection was and all that helped it was IV pain meds, so that also prompted me to go in instead of waiting to see if it would stop. I waited until about 6:30am and then paged my OB to see if they thought I HAD to go in and of course, they did. I hated waking up the nurse on call, but hopefully she went right back to sleep! So my mom headed into Wesley and I sat beside her crying the whole way and trying to find a comfortable position--although there is none when you're in that much pain! Nick met us at the ER entrance. I was worried we would have to wait forever. The last time I was at the Wesley ER (after my c-section with Tommy became infected), we waited for about 3 hours--and they took us back BEFORE they took the guy who had accidentally cut off his finger and had it in a cooler with him!! So I was hoping and praying it wouldn't be packed. Luckily, there was only one other lady there and they were taking her to labor and delivery, so they took me too. I tried telling them I KNEW it wasn't related to the baby, but they insisted on taking me up to that floor anyways since I was pregnant.

We got checked in and I kid you not, the INSTANT I got into the hospital room, my pain backed off from a 10 to about a 3. WHY?!? I'm glad it stopped, but it seems like that stuff always happens to me. I wait and wait and wait to do anything about a problem and then as SOON as I do, the problem resolves itself! But anywho, they hooked me up to the contraction and fetal heart rate monitors and took a UA to see if I had an infection (and I did). Since my pain was already going away, they didn't start an IV or anything. Just made sure Tessa was okay and kept me until they heard from my OB. She cleared me to go home since I wasn't hurting anymore and started me on an oral antibiotic.

I'm SO glad my pain went away and that Tessa was fine. But I gotta say, being in that hospital room and seeing that empty baby bed just waiting for a little, tiny, pink, squishy baby to fill it made me SO anxious for her to be here and so NOT ready yet!! Make sense? One part of me wants her here so bad that I can already feel her in my arms. The other part of me is soaking up this time I have with my son and enjoying a toddler that can feed himself and help me instead of being SO dependent on me for everything. But ready or not (and I don't know which one I am!!), she's coming! In like........4 weeks or less. Probably more like 3 since they already decided to induce/do a c-section 1 week early. Holy smokes!!