Sunday, July 29, 2012

Give Thanks

Tonight, my heart is overflowing. It's never felt quite this full before.

When we were at the hospital after Tessa's birth, a random man came into the room. I had no idea who he was or why he was there, but that was the case with about every other person that came in. SOMEBODY was always coming into our room. He started asking about Tessa's delivery and we let him know it was a little rough, but that she was perfect now. He walked over to her and I started thinking maybe he was a peds doctor or something like that. He put his hand on Tessa and then pointed out that he was the chaplain and asked if he could say a blessing over her. I don't know if it was my post birth hormones or what, but I immediately teared up. I told him that of course he could bless her, so everyone in the room bowed their heads while he said his blessing. He said, "May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace." It was all I could do not to lose it. While he was praying, I kept thinking about how things COULD have been.

If one single thing had happened differently, Tessa might not be here. Point blank, she wasn't breathing when she was born. At all. My mind ran through the what ifs---what if I had started laboring at home and she wasn't on a monitor until it was too late? What if I hadn't gotten my epidural when I did and they had to do general anesthesia but they weren't fast enough and she died? What if someone intubated her wrong and they couldn't get her the oxygen she needed? All it would have taken was ONE thing. But God SO had it under control. That chaplain's blessing reminded me of that. Instead of thinking about how badly Tessa's little life could have ended, I needed to just be so thankful that she was even here.

All day today, I've been staring at my husband, son and daughter and trying to figure out how I got so lucky. My husband.......he's amazing. He's been by my side for absolutely every moment that he could be. He spoils me rotten and refuses to let me do anything for myself until my c-section is feeling better. He can read me like a book and knows what I need before I do. I can rest assured knowing that there's nothing in the world he wouldn't do for me. I feel like God's blessings have been layed on my life so abundantly.

My son and daughter are amazing. I don't know what kind of person Tessa is going to be yet,but I know Tommy's heart and it's so good and loving. To see their little faces is to see the hand of God. I don't know how you could see a child and not KNOW that God exists. His love is perfected in them. It's such a gift that their lives are entertwined with mine.

Tomorrow, things might be a little harder than they were today. Maybe Tommy will be grumpy or Nick and I will be exhausted. Maybe we'll be running late all day or have everything that could possibly go wrong actually go wrong. But today, I have no choice but to recognize that God is awesome and I have been blessed beyond anything I could ever imagine. I don't deserve one single day of this life, but by the grace of God, I'm living it.

Nick, Tommy and Tessa--you are everything. EVERYTHING. I will do my best to be a better wife and mom every day. Forgive me when I fail, because I promise I will at some point, but know that I will be happy as long as you all are in my life. Thank you God for your goodness.

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