Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Tommy

To my baby boy--

Today is your last day as an only child. When you woke up this morning, I wanted so badly to snuggle you and hold you and kiss you to my heart's content.....but you weren't having it :) I did get you to lay down in bed with me to watch some cartoons and eat some Fruit Loops. My heart will forever be imprinted with that picture of your little blond head propped up on my pillow with your hand hanging out the Fruit Loop bag and your crooked little smile popping up every few seconds. It was the perfect start to our day and I could've layed there for hours with you tucked in my arms.

I wonder if you'll ever know....if you'll ever TRULY understand how you've changed my life. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I had absolutely no idea or concept of YOU or of being a parent. I knew I'd love you but I didn't know my heart would be so desperately attached to this other little human being. You have the ability to make or break my day. I LOVE when we're having fun together and get sad when one of us is too grumpy to enjoy the other because I know how much fun we COULD be having together. But our bad days are few and far between. You are pretty happy most days and when you throw fits, they're usually short lived.

There are so many things about you that make me laugh--your facial expressions being one of them. We never, EVER have to guess what you're thinking. You're just like your momma in that aspect--every emotion you're going through is on your face the instant you're feeling it. Your little sense of humor is so funny and I think you're going to be a class clown. When you do something that gets a laugh, you do it over and over and OVER :) You even love to make yourself laugh!

Your energy is amazing. Like....truly amazing. There are some days you come home and you just run circles around the basement, laughing the whole time. You constantly want to be moving or playing or arranging things. You are good at entertaining yourself and never seem to have a dull moment. We struggle a little sometimes because there are certainly days I have to get stuff done and you just want to run around and play with me, but we're getting to where you finally understand there are times mommy just has to say no (which I hate doing).

Your heart is the sweetest little thing. I sometimes joke that you're like the sour patch kids on TV because you do something that's not nice (like hitting me or daddy) and then you immediately go in for a hug because you regret doing it and know it wasn't good. Whenever we say we're sad or act like we're crying, you run over and hug us until we're smiling again. Mommy's had a hard time getting off the couch being so hugely pregnant and when you see me struggling, you come over and pull with your little tiny hands to try to help me up. You're just such a helper--with the laundry, the dishes, EVERYTHING. Sometimes it complicates the task I'm trying to do, but I try really hard to let you "help" because that's such a good quality to have.

I could go on about you for days. I love you so much more than I ever dreamed possible. You are my buddy, forever my firstborn. You've taught me everything I know about being a mother. I get so sad to think about the day that you might not like me anymore (and I'm SURE that day will come in your teenage years :). I wish I could keep you my little guy forever--small enough to carry to bed when you conk out at night, small enough to hold in a bear hug so you can't escape my kisses, small enough to fit perfectly with your head on my shoulder and your legs wrapped around me. But I also love watching you grow and learn and change into the person you were meant to be.

I will never forget the 18 months that you were my only child. I hope you never feel forgotten or ignored. I hope you know me and daddy will always, ALWAYS have time for you. There is nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you. I love coming home to your ornery grin. I love seeing your blond head pop up over the side of the bed. I love watching you run with your little legs flying in every direction. You are not perfect, but you are the perfect son for us. I thank God for you and everything you are. I love you Tommy!

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