Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Midweek Randoms

*It is just now starting to REALLY hit me that I'm pregnant. Holy smolies.
*Tommy goes in for his 1 year check up Monday and I'm excited to see how much he weighs and what the heck that persistant rash is on his body (my thoughts is excema, but we'll see).

*I have my 2nd OB appt on Wednesday next week and can't wait to hear that little heartbeat again! It'll be Nick's first time to hear it. I'm hoping the appt after that will be when we find out the sex because I'll be about 18 weeks when I should have to go back. Finger's crossed!!

*I roomed a 9 year old today that couldn't put down her cell phone down long enough for me to get her blood pressure. She was playing a Barbie app. Note to parents: if your child is young enough to play with Barbies, they DON'T NEED THEIR OWN CELL PHONE!!!

*I need to go to a women's bible study or something. I need fellowship with other mom's who get what I'm going through on a daily basis. Must start that search soon :)

*Have you ever noticed that popcorn is one of those foods that you don't really think about until you smell it and then you must have it, immediately! Or is that just me?

*Have I mentioned I can't wait to find out the sex of the baby ;) ? I would really like to know so I can figure out what to do about decorating their rooms. If it's a boy, he'll share w/ Tommy but if it's a girl, I'll take full advantage of decorating a cute and girly room all her own.

*There's a shirt that I saw a tutorial for that I want to try to make SO badly but I just can't find the time to do it.

*We had a patient today that wanted us to see her for free and give her free medication and when we wouldn't do that, she threatened to hire an attorney and sue us. So let me get this right.......you have enough money for an attorney, but not to pay for your kid's seizure medication? Interesting. Your right, lady. The whole world should bow down to you because you are entitled. Yeah. right.

*I started reading the book Courageous and LOVE it. A guy in there says something that's so true. He said you start to see the world through the eyes of your job. My job has tainted my first impressions of people. And it makes me sad.

*Please pray for my hubby's guys on 3rd shift to start operating their equipment more safely. Just for his whole job in general would be great :)

*I can't wait to go home and snuggle my baby!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My 100th post........

........was on Friday. I was going to mention it but wanted Tommy to be my main focus in that post :) I can't believe I've written 100 posts! The time has flown. I LOVE having this blog because I am soooo bad about writing down things at home so this helps me to be able to look back and remember things about Tommy and life before Tommy (which seems like it never existed :).

I'll have a post sometime this week with his birthday party pictures. Yesterday was a horrible, awful day full of annoying people, frustrating assignments at work and utter exhaustion. But I got in the car to go home and turned on K-Love. It totally helped lighten my mood. They were talking about cell phones and had people call in with stories about inappropriate times when their cell phones had rang and one lady called in and said she was at her husband's grandma's funeral and her phone started ringing. But the worst part was, her ring-tone at that time was "ding-dong the witch is dead!" from Wizard of Oz. For some reason, this struck me as hilarious and pulled me out of the black pit I'd been in all day.

To be honest, it wasn't just yesterday that was bad. It's been awhile. I've been struggling a LOT with letting my emotions override my logical sense of thought (imagine that!! Overly emotional at 13 weeks pregnant?!?) Nick working 3rd shift has been very hard. It's not just taking care of Tommy by myself. It's the fact that I only get to see my best friend for 30 minutes to an hour a day and it sucks. Hardcore. And I get frustrated with him and he gets frustrated with me over things that are really something neither of us can help or have any control over. I got totally overwhelmed on Saturday because Nick was trying to sleep that morning before Tommy's party and I was trying to decorate and get ready while keeping Tommy quiet---yeah right. Tommy being quiet is an oxy-moron. I feel like I can't keep up on laundry and cleaning. Obviously I take care of Tommy, but I feel like I'm not spending quality time with him because the 5 seconds I have a night where I'm not keeping him out of trouble or picking up, I want to just sit on the couch and veg out while he entertains himself. I'm tired of watching Yo gabba-gabba and Wonder pets (although they are life savers when I want Tommy to sit down for a few minutes). I'm tired of washing, drying, folding and putting away 2 loads of laundry every day and then looking in the hamper to see more staring up at me to be dealt with the next day. I've been feeling very........mundane. Even the word mundane is mundane, but it's the perfect word to describe my feeling! I live the same day every day. And I've been very frustrated with that fact. Not regretting the way my life has been at all--don't get me wrong in that aspect. I love my husband and son and family and house, etc. I just feel like my life is in repeat mode. Wake up, shower, kiss Nick on my way out, deal with a job I don't love for 8 hours, go home, eat dinner, laundry, get Tommy to sleep, go to sleep myself........and repeat.

But after the cell phone story on K-Love, the song Closer by Brandon Heath came on:
_______________________________________________
Looking for a color in a shade of gray
Looking for love in a drop of rain
Trying to find change from the old mundane
Everything I do just feels the same

Spending my life out in the desert
Been gone so long feels like forever

I just want to be closer to You
I just want to be closer, I am Yours
You can have all of me anything, everything
I just want to be closer

A day without You is a thousand years
A day without You is a million tears
Tell me why do I run when I am in fear
Why do I run when You are so near

Spending my life out in the weather
Been gone so long and I need some shelter

I just want to be, closer to You, I just want, to be closer,
I am Yours, You can have all of me anyhting everything
I just want to be closer
_____________________________________________

The lines in red are the ones that really spoke to me. I think God was trying to tell me that my days are monotonous and not very meaningful because I've been spending them apart from Him. Not intentionally. I'm not MAD at God or TRYING to avoid Him. I've just put Him on the back burner. No biggie, right? WRONG. Living life with Him is hard, but living it without Him is harder. My days become nothing important if I'm not taking time for God. I think I've really been missing the joy that He gives. It seems like I've let my stress become bigger than my Jesus and I spent some time in prayer last night for me, my husband, my babies and my attitude. I feel better already today because I've been purposely trying to do my work for God. I was looking up some scripture for my hubs last night and found a few that I DEFINITELY need to apply to my own life--like finding joy in meaningless tasks. I also really like Ecclesiastes and it talks a lot about how we shouldn't spend our days "toiling under the sun" to gain earthly possessions because that gets us know where. So one day at a time, I'm going to try to set aside time to thank God for my life and find JOY in His Word.

Friday, January 20, 2012

This is it

Tommy,

This is it. The day mom has been thinking about since you were born. Ridiculous, I know. But it's true. I've been imagining the day you would turn one for a long time now. Not that I was wishing away time, but I've just spent so much time pondering who you would be when you were one. What would your personality be like? Would you be walking? Talking? Quiet and content or loud and crazy? What will you look like when you're one? Would you still be a blonde? How about the eyes--would the eyes stay blue?

And my questions are finally answered. And I'm SO excited to see how far you've come and oh so sad to see how fast the last year has gone. I'm gonna be corny here and say I remember your birth story like it was yesterday. But I do! I could go back and tell you minute by minute what happened (although that skill will probably deminish somewhat through the years as your young and vibrant mother starts aging-ha!). I remember holding you and when you curled up, you were the length of my arm from my elbow to my palm. I could hold you against me without any effort. Your 0-3 months clothes were all too big for you and you were drowing in your carseat that we brought you home in.

And now..........NOW I have the answers to all my questions. Who are you at one year old? You are Tommy. Your personality is yours and yours alone! You are a little boy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to let us know it. And if you don't get it, you get extremely ticked.....but usually just for a minute or two. Then it's like you have an epiphany, stop crying and move onto something else. I hope that trait sticks with you. Because life is a lot of "not what you want" and "getting over it."

Are you walking at one year old? Um, YES. Running is more like it. You've been walking since you were 9 months old and now that you do it effortlessly, you are fast. Like, lightening fast. Like, if I take my eyes off you for 1 second, you're GONE fast. Unfotunately, you still forget that sometimes you have to look at the ground to make sure your path is clear and you do a lot of tripping over things that you should've seen.

Are you talking at one year old? Well.......you're noisy :) We'll put it that way. You say mama, dada, nana and dog. And one time I'm pretty sure you said my friend Hannah's name. Never when we TELL you to say those words will you actually do it, but you DO say them. You especially say dada a lot. When he leaves for work in the evenings, as soon as he starts going up the stairs you yell, "DAAAAAD! Dadadadadadada!!!" And you continue to do that for a good 5 minutes after he's gone. Your uncle Brandon SWEARS one time when he walked in the door you said, "Who is it?" But nobody believes him :)

Are you quiet and content or loud and crazy? Definitely NOT quiet and content. You have to be on the move CONSTANTLY! You never. stop. moving. It makes mommy so tired. And you're usually jabbering about something while you're moving. You fight going to sleep and will "talk" just to make yourself stay awake until you FINALLY conk out mid-giggle.

What do you look like at one year old? Oh my. You're so handsome it takes my breath away on a daily basis. You lucked out and got the best of mom and the best of dad. You DO still have blond hair and you DO still have blue eyes. And I'm sooooo glad. Because you were born that way, but everyone kept saying, "It's gonna change! His hair and eyes won't stay that color for long." But they were wrong! You are the cutest little thing. In the mornings, you have major bed-head (which you come by honestly). When YOU think you're being really funny, you scrunch your nose up and laugh at the same time. When you're dancing, you put one arm up in the air and bend your knees and shake your butt. It's hilarious! When someone comes over, you hear the door open and you immediately start trying to look up the stairs to see who it is. You're always doing SOMETHING cute!

A few more random stats about you at one: This morning, on your first birthday, you had your very last drink of formula!! Yay!!! We thought we'd be able to start saving some money once you were off formula, but nope. We're gonna keep buying it for your new baby brother or sister. You drank out of a bottle for the last time about 4 days ago. We just started putting your formula in a sippy cup and you didn't care one bit. Hopefully you'll like milk as much as you like formula! You're still about 25 or 26 pounds and 30 inches tall. You wear size 12 month mostly. You can wear some 18 month clothes, but the pants are all a little big in the waist, but the length of the 18 month pants is much better for your long legs! You wear size 4 diapers. And you never poop in a dirty diaper. You wait until we change it and THEN do your business. You don't like baths as much as you used to. You'll play a little, but we always have to get you out early because you try standing up and walking, which is NOT okay in a slippery tub. You love music and dancing and having books read to you, but only if YOU get to turn the pages. You just started "cuddling" things. You'll pick up your sock monkey or your doggy and squeeze them real hard and lay your head down on them. It's very sweet.

You, my son, are everything. You are why I get up in the morning. You (and daddy) are the only things that are guaranteed to make me smile EVERY day. You are the only person I can get mad at and want to hug in the very same second. You are a big boy, but still my baby boy. I can't wait to see you be a big brother and I can't wait to see what else this next year has in store for you. You are awesome--as in I am truly awed by you. God gave me everything I could ever want wrapped up in one tiny little blond haired, blue eyed bundle. I'm sorry for all the times I've already failed you as a parent and for the times in the future when I know I won't do things exactly the right way. And please know there is NOTHING in the world you could do to make me stop loving you, no matter how hard you try :) So on your first birthday, I pray that your health stays good, your heart grows even bigger and kinder and your smile never goes away. Thank you for coming into my life. Happy birthday, sweet boy.

Love,
Mommy

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Midweek Randoms

And what a crazy week this has been!

*I wasn't going to do a theme for Tommy's birthday party.........until today. Today--THREE days before his party---I decided to do a theme. And I'm very excited, but there's some work to do. Why oh why do I procrastinate?

*I have been waking up around 5am every morning. Someone please tell me how to fix this. I'm exhausted.

*I am eating peanut butter toast like there is no tomorrow. For breakfast, sometimes for lunch and on a rare occasion (is that spelled right? Looks rediculously wrong) even for dinner.

*I can't believe I have an almost-one-year-old. Where did the time go?

*We watched Yo-Gabba-Gabba the other day and I truly believe my retinas were permenantly scarred and that every actual human being on that show is high on acid and shrooms. Tommy loved it. Scary.

*I just realized JUST now that I frown when I type. Not on purpose, but I'm frowing even as I'm typing about frowing while I type (did you get all that?)

*I was just talking to a girl at work about how Wichita needs food trucks when lo and behold, a man walks in advertising that he sells tacos from his food truck and will deliver them here!! What?!? Tacos---DELIVERED???? Yes please.

*I'm getting a girl's night (plus Tommy of course) tonight. Sometimes I wish I had a girl's night without Tommy but that would require a husband on first shift. But on the plus side, Nick did say his start time got moved to 8:30pm, so at least he won't have to leave the house at 6:00pm anymore.

*I want to sew. Badly. But again, there's the whole Tommy thing. I have many a project in my mind and one child too many to get them done without waiting until he's in bed (and by that time, I'm too exhausted to think about measuring, cutting, sewing, etc.)

Stay tuned for pics of Tommy's first b-day! His party is Saturday and I'm getting super excited and super sad that my baby is almost ONE!!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Apples to apples

Have you ever played the game where you compare one situation to another and then choose which one you prefer? Like.....okay, me and my sister always do the whole, "Would you rather have no arms or no legs?" or "Would you rather be deaf or blind?" And obviously, ultimately, we would want neither. But it's an entertaining game and makes you really think about how things would change in your life in certain situations.

Which leads me to a blog I was reading. I stumbled upon a blog about a poor little guy who had a disease called EB. Basically whenever he was touched, he got blisters on his skin and the older he got, the worse it got. The blisters would start pitting his skin and become infected and just a few days ago, he went to be with Jesus. It was a really sad, horrible thing to read about--a mother losing her 2 year old to a disease nobody knows much about and there's no cure for.

But there was one thing she said in her blog that really bothered me. It was something along the lines of that fact that a lot of times, she's laughing on the inside because people are worrying about (in her words) stupid things like what medication to give their kid for seizures or how to make their kid's cold go away. And that really frustrated me. Don't get me wrong, I would give my life a million times over to keep Tommy from pain and I am so, SO sorry that mom has to go through what she went through. But to put others down and consider their concerns stupid or insignificant isn't fair either. Her situation is a big deal to her and it's her life, but a kid with seizures or even a kid with an ear infection or something simple and curable is a big deal to THEIR mom. That's THEIR life. It's not right to think they're stupid or insignificant because their problems aren't as "big" as yours. As much as we can try to put ourselves in other people's shoes, ultimately, you can't. You cannot step into someone else's life and experience their experiences or feel their feelings.

It made me step back and think about if I've ever done that. And of course, the answer was yes. Even just something small like someone at work saying, "Oh, I'm tired. I had to go grocery shopping last night and stayed up until 10pm ." And then in my head, I say, "YOU'RE tired?!? I'M tired. I have a one year old with weird sleep patterns and I'm pregnant and pee every 2 hours during the night. I had to do 3 loads of laundry, pick up the house and clean up dinner last night. I'm trying to plan my son's 1st birthday party and make sure I'm awake early enough in the morning to see my husband before he goes to bed and I leave for work. And YOU'RE tired?!?" Sigh. Epic fail at being considerate to others.

But reading what that mom wrote has reminded me that everyone lives their own life--a life with problems unbeknownst to me. What's insignificant in my life may be a HUGE deal in theirs. What's important to me may not mean anything to them. A nurse in my office has a quote on her wall that says, "Be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting their own battle." Stop comparing apples to apples, because someone else's apple will ALWAYS be different than yours--better, worse, prettier, smaller, bigger, DIFFERENT. Try it. You never know how it'll change your life.

Monday, January 16, 2012

I'll take a full night of sleep with a side of consistancy, please!

So, I've not been sleeping well. Hence the title of today's post. My dear, sweet, angelic baby boy has been doing some random night time things.

Let me start with this. When daddy went to 3rd shift, mommy started letting another man sleep in her bed.  A cute, cuddly, blond haired and blue eyed boy who is even more precious when he's asleep than he is when he's awake. I know, I know, you're not supposed to let kids sleep in your bed. I really didn't mind except for the fact that he moves around like crazy in our huge bed and I don't get much sleep and I worry constantly that he's going to fall off the bed. So we went through a session of crying it out. Which was horrible. I hate it, because it's my fault he got used to sleeping in the bed anyways and then he's the one who had to cry through it until he learned he can't sleep with mommy anymore. I really didn't want to have to do it, but I figured with a new baby on the way, it would be better to get it done now than later. So the first night, he cried and Cried and CRIED. For an hour. I finally got up and left the bedroom because I couldn't stand hearing him and not picking him up. After I left, he cried for about 5 more minutes and then stopped. I stayed in the living room for another 15 minutes thinking he was sleeping. I went back in there and the poor baby was just sitting in his pack and play watching the door..........just WAITING for me to walk in. It took literally all of my strength not to pick him up and cuddle him, but I just laid down in bed and then I heard him rustling around a bit and he finally fell asleep. The next night was the same process, but it only lasted about 25 minutes. The night after that, he slept all through the night!! I was so happy!!!!1

But lately.........he's been waking up and crying. Just for a minute or so and then he goes right back to sleep but he's done it a few times a night for the last week. Then I stay awake for about 20 minutes each time he wakes up. Last night, he cried for quite awhile but I think he was teething. Add his crying to getting up to go the bathroom 3 or 4 times a night and I sleep for maybe 5 hours a night. Lovely.

So if you all could just pray for a consistant schedule, that would be great! I want him to stop waking up because I know it doesn't make for a peaceful night for me OR him. And there's no rhyme or reason to why he wakes up or what time of night or what night of the week. It's totally random. Someday, I WILL have a kid who sleeps all night. Right? Fingers crossed that the one baking in the oven is a good sleeper :) Momma needs some rest!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Midweek Randoms

I wish I had a way to type out the sound of a sigh. Any suggestions? This week has been sooooooooo long and exhausting. I'm bone-tired. I never understood that expression until I got older, had a full time job and had a kid. The kid thing did me in to bone-tired folks. Actually, being PREGNANT and having a kid did me in. But totally worth it.

*So, the tired thing is #1 on my list. It constantly interrupts my random thoughts all the time :)

*My desk is close to the bathrooms where I work and people CONSTANTLY ask me if someone is already in  the bathroom. I WANT to say, "I'm a nurse, not the freakin keeper of the bathroom." But what I REALLY say is, "I'm not sure. Did you try turning the door handle?"  I feel that's a nice enough way to get my point across that all they have to do is knock or try to open the door and if someone says, "I'm in here" or the door doesn't open, that means the bathroom is occupied. Common sense, folks.

*These are things I had missed about pregnancy--feeling the baby kick, hearing the heartbeat, knowing I get an awesome gift in 9 months........that's about it. These are things I had NOT missed about pregnancy---nausea, headaches, fatigue, being felt up by my doctor every 4 weeks, peeing at night, boob pain (WAY worse w/ this one than w/ Tommy), back pain, worrying constantly that everything's okay with the new baby. Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

*The k-tag was broke this morning, so there was a HUUUUUUUGE line to get through the turnpike. Which made me later than I already was :(
*On the brighter side, how bout that snow last night?!? Loved it! I was tucked in warm with my sweet baby boy all night.

*I mentioned to a friend at work that I wanted to do the Dave Ramsey Financial Freedom program and she has already done it and volunteered to give me all her materials!! Total answer to prayer!

*I have seen Nick for a total of about 1 hour since Sunday. SUPER crappy.

*I'm addicted to reality TV. Still. I tried to stop watching it, but it didn't work. I specifically enjoy a good episode of Teen Mom 2, The bachelor, Dance Moms, Real Housewives, etc. You name it, I'll watch it.

*I had my first OB appt yesterday. It went well and I LOVE the PA I saw--Mandy Twist. But my blood pressure was high: 138/90. Stupid blood pressure. I didn't have that problem until about 36 weeks with Tommy, so lots of prayers it was a one time thing. I go back in 2 weeks to check up and listen to the heartbeat!

*Tommy turns 1 in 8 days. Really?!? I have no clue what to get him or what to tell other people to get him since he just had a HUGE Christmas.

Okay, my brain can't handle any more today. Must. get.sleep. Until next time, folks.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Hi blog! Remember me?

So it's been awhile since I posted. A few things have kept me busy, like oh.......3 Christmases, an almost 1 year old, my back going out and New Years. These last few weeks have been crazy for us (as I'm sure they've been for you) but I have to say while I feel like I DID a lot, I don't really feel like I ACCOMPLISHED anything! I'll do a Christmas post soon (pictures included, if you're lucky :) but for now, I'm trying to get all my thoughts squared away into neat little orderly categories.

It's not working.

My mind has a billion things going on. Have you ever heard the quote: Men's brains are like waffles, women's brains are like spaghetti? At first I didn't get it, but then whoever was telling me about it said that most men think things through one square at a time. You can cut off one little square of a waffle and the rest of the waffle is unaffected. But women's brains........oh my. You try to pick up ONE noodle of spaghetti and it upsets the whole pile, right?!? I can't take one thought at a time because each thought leads to something else. For example: I was thinking about changing all the stuff from my old planner to my new planner. Which made me think of writing down all my new account numbers for bills I've aquired this year. Which made me think of Tommy's hospital bill. Which made me think, "Oh my gosh! It's been almost a year since we were in the hospital!! My son is almost ONE!!" Which in turn, led me to wonder what I should serve for his birthday party. Which of course reminded me that my mom's birthday is today! Are you with me? Does anyone else do that??? Add pregnancy to my already spaghetti-like brain and I'm a wreck.

So I'm gonna do my mid week randoms a little early so I can write my thoughts down and hopefully start with a clean slate in the morning (yeah right).

*I sometimes forget I'm pregnant.Truly. Then something happens that shocks me into reality, like seeing my sono picture or hearing someone refer to "the new baby."

*I am SOOOO going on a diet after this one comes out. Yuck. I was JUUUUST back to my pre-pregnancy weight (which was not ideal in the first place) when I found out I was pregnant. Sigh. Baby is totally worth it, but I went shopping yesterday and wanted to cry at how everything was fitting.

*Tommy was mean to me this morning. I tried to give him a kiss and he slapped my face! What?!? And me being the mature, wise mother I am gave him my best pouty face (that I was SO not faking) and said, "Fine. I didn't want a kiss from you anyways, meanie!" Yes, I instantly reverted back to 1st grade behavior in that moment.

*Is it EVER gonna snow in Kansas?!? I mean come ON! It's winter and only 1 day of flakes. This girl needs to see the white stuff.

*My crafty Christmas fell through. One craft got done. One. But that's okay. Maybe next year.......hahahahaha!

*Holy smolies, my sister gets married in like 8 months. We gots some work to do!

*Nick was on first shift for a week and it was AWESOME. Tommy became a total cling-on to his daddy and I loved it. They're so funny together. Tommy's new thing is trying to bite our feet. Ew. Let's just say there was a lot of attempts at foot biting and lots of dad saying, "NOOOOO! Don't do it!!!!" and Tommy laughing hysterically and starting the process all over again.

*I would love to do Dave Ramsey's financial freedom program. But I'm scared. And it costs like $150 to do which is ironic because it's a program to pay off bills. Ha!

*My back went out on New Year's Eve. What am I, 90? I literally had to hobble around, bent over at the waist in order to walk anywhere. It got better on New Years Day but then my muscles spasmed and it started all over again. Bummer.

*I've had a cold for 2 weeks. Tylenol Cold and flu is NOT helping. Per my doctor's nurse, I can take Sudafed if I REEEEAAAAALLLY need to but it could be damaging to the fetus, so Dr. Davis doesn't recommend it. Okay nurse, do you REEEEAAAALLLY think I'm going to even CHANCE taking Sudafed no matter how bad I REEAAAALLLLY need it if there's even a .0000001% chance of it hurting my unborn child???

This is as far as my mind can get right now. I'm too tired to think anymore. Cross your fingers my spaghetti head calms down and I can get some things done! Happy 2012 everyone. May it be as chaotically wonderful as 2011.