The Quiet Place

It has been a HECK of a weekend. It started with our air conditioner being out all week—but not to worry! $10k and 10 hours of labor later, we got a new a/c installed on Friday while we were watching Tommy’s basketball games. A blessing. It was a quiet truth and somewhat overshadowed by a busy and EXPENSIVE day, but a blessing indeed.

Saturday was another busy day of basketball and spending money (some fun, some necessary). We got home late and as I was finally going to sleep (at 1am), we got a notification our electricity at the Towanda store had gone out. Sigh. I went back to sleep expecting the issue to be resolved quickly like it usually is. When I woke up at 6am to see Nick off, as he was pulling out of the driveway, I realized we had never received a notification of the electricity coming back on. I called him to see what we should do—he turned around and came back to help his dad (who was thankfully staying the weekend with us) load a generator. Tom and I drove to the Towanda store to plug our coolers into the generator since we had no idea when electricity would come back on. A blessing. It was a quiet truth and somewhat overshadowed by the exhaustion of little sleep and worry about losing thousands of dollars of product, but a blessing indeed that we had a generator and a dad willing to help. 

Then Nick texted that his tire started losing air on the way to the airport. He was able to stop at a gas station to put air in it. It held long enough to get him to the airport in time for his flight. A blessing. It was a quiet truth and somewhat overshadowed by knowing his return flight would bring him back to a car with a flat tire, but a blessing indeed he made it safely and in time for his flight. 

After getting home from hooking up the generator, I woke the kids up and then felt a nudge to stop and have my Bible time before I started getting ready. A loud thought easily dismissed it and said to me, “you don’t have time for that.” I started to walk out of my bedroom and God nudged me again. I turned and grabbed my Bible and said to the kids, “We need to pray the electricity comes back on in Towanda!” The literal SECOND those words left my mouth, I got a text that Evergy had fixed the problem and all the electricity was back on. A blessing. A quiet truth.

I went to let the dogs out and sat down to read for about 10 minutes and was so glad to feel God’s peace and presence. After finishing my reading, I sat my Bible down and went to call the dogs in. They were nowhere to be found. After 20 minutes of alternating getting ready and yelling for the dogs, we finally HAD to leave. My father in law was driving separately, so I let him know they were gone but would hopefully turn up by the time we got home. We loaded up the car with all the things and headed to Wichita. My father in law texted me 10 minutes later that the dogs had been secured. A blessing. It was a quiet truth and somewhat overshadowed at the frustration of running late because we had to spend time looking for them but a blessing indeed. 

As we were driving to Wichita, I told the kids that the devil was working overtime to try to ruin our day. We decided to list out loud the things that we were thankful for—I wanted to take them from quiet truths to loud praises! We spent the next few minutes sharing…we’re thankful for the ability to pay for a new air conditioner, family to help out, all of us being healthy, making good friends, not losing any product or having to close for business in Towanda, Nick making it safely to and on his flight. Right as we finished up, we crossed the railroad tracks about 2 miles from our destination. I had just said something along the lines of, “NOT TODAY, SATAN!” 

Then my low-tire pressure light came on. 

All I could do was laugh! Sometimes it comes on but I can drive around on the tire for another 2 days with just a little air added. Not today. It kept dropping lower…..and lower….and lower. We just prayed we would at least make it to our destination and on time. And we did! A blessing. A quiet truth somewhat overshadowed by the fact that I rolled in on about 10 psi in our tire, but we.made.it. We went inside for another basketball game and I put the tire out of my mind so I could enjoy watching Tommy play. 

After an hour of basketball, it was time to deal with the tire. I called one company (because of course we didn’t have the right tool to take off my lug nuts ourselves) who requested pre-payment be sent to his personal Venmo in the amount of $100. Uhhhh….hard pass. I ended up getting the Happy Hooker towing company to come change it. I’m sure we looked a spectacle sitting on the pavement in the shade of my Yukon while my kids yell, “When is the hooker truck coming??” not having any idea what that sounded like! They went with their papa to get lunch for all of us while we waited and came back juuuust in time to see the “hooker truck” pull in and announce it’s arrival to everyone in the parking lot. The tow-truck driver got my tire changed out just in time for me to head inside for Tommys last game. A blessing. A quiet truth somewhat overshadowed by having to sit in a parking lot baking in the sun while listening to your kids yell about hookers, but a blessing indeed. 

I guess my point is…I can look back on my day and say that it was really bad. I can let the lies be loud and tell me I should be upset, annoyed, bummed, irritated, grumpy. Or I can look back on my day and focus on the quiet truths—that God provided in EVERY way. We got everything done we needed to get done, got everywhere we needed to be and had plenty of physical and prayer support from family and friends along the way. In the grand scheme of life, all of these things were small...irrelevant in a world that suffers from so much more. But the small things are what the enemy uses to start that subtle shift of our focus from the truth to the lies.

As the wise Billy Graham said, “It’s easier not to be a Christian in the world because the devil might leave you alone. The moment you receive Christ as your savior, you’re in for it. Unless you live on your knees and live in the scripture and keep your guard up and have your spiritual armor on at all time.”

The truth is always quieter than the lies. It’s easier to hear what’s loud….but if we can just be still….if we can just shut out the noise, it might be quiet enough for us to hear the truth. 

Here we are...

 I cried when I found out he was a boy. The ultrasound tech paused the screen, took her still-shot photo and typed "BOY" smack dab in the middle of it. Nick was so excited, but I turned my face to blink away the small tears that had escaped my eyelids. I wanted a girl SO badly. Since the minute I'd found out I was pregnant, I was imagining hair bows, matching outfits, painting fingernails and sweet little butterfly kisses. After all, I had a little sister 9 years younger than me--I had already practically raised one little girl and loved it. A daughter would be a piece of cake, right?......turns out she IS a piece of cake, but that came a few years down the road.

Instead, I was getting a son first. A son. What on earth do you do with little boys? I'm not really into sports. I don't really LOVE the outdoors. Not a huge fan of talking about poop and farts all day. Couldn't care less about monster trucks and dinosaurs. What's left?...... Eating?? I do enjoy a good carb-loading session....maybe that's where we'd find our common ground! 

Thankfully, I warmed up to the idea of a sweet little boy and by the time he entered this world, I was more than ready to be his momma. Year by year, we've made it through life together and became best buds along the way. I survived getting peed on in the middle of the night when his pee-pee tee-pee failed to do it's job during a diaper change. I learned that burping sounds produced the BEST belly laughs from my two year old boy.  I managed to get through (and even somewhat enjoy) "playing cars" for hours on end.  I even survived a LOT of poop....and talking about poop......and jokes about poop. 

But I blinked and now he's almost a teenager. It brings me to tears to even type those words....how does time have the courage to age my little boy when I'm sitting here begging him to stay little?  If I dwell too long on the amount of change that's happened in the last 12 years, it can be overwhelming. So when the nostalgia hits me too hard, I focus on the things about him that HAVEN'T changed......his eyes are still as blue as the sky, just like the day he was born. He still has a little wrinkle in his right ear. He continues to be the MOST stubborn human I know. The faces he makes and the things he says still make me laugh on a daily basis. He still has that same raspy voice that croaked out of his mouth when he first started talking. He can drive me insane one second and steal my heart the next. He still REALLY enjoys laughing about poop and bodily functions.

I think it's middle school....the thing that's triggering all these feelings for me. I dropped him off for middle school football camp last week. We pulled up in the parking lot. He spent a minute looking around and then spotted a group of his friends walking in. He said to me, "I don't think you need to walk me in, Mom." 

Oof. 

I've always hated when authors used that word (oof), but that's the literal sound that left my mouth after he got out of the car. All I could see as I watched him walk across the parking lot was the tiny little blond boy I walked into preschool 9 years ago. But he didn't need me this time. And what a hard, wonderful thing that is. 

We spend all these years raising our kids. And it can be easy to forget that the time, effort and love we put into it isn't necessarily for OUR benefit, but for theirs. What more could we hope for than to raise God-fearing children who aren't scared to do things on their own? And sure....walking into a camp alone is such a small thing. But he's always been just a little unsure when he tries new things. He's always wanted me there just in case he has questions or isn't sure what to do next. He's always glanced back...just once....to make sure I'm behind him. And I always have been--with a small smile and small wave (so as not to embarrass him too much, of course) of encouragement. But he didn't need me this time. 

As he heads into middle school, I'm doing my best not to project all of my middle school insecurities on him. As a teenager, if I walked past a group of people laughing, I immediately assumed they were laughing at me. If whispers made their way through a crowd, I became self-conscious and wondered what I'd done to be whispered about. I wanted nothing more than to blend into the background and NOT be noticed. As an adult, I now realize they were most likely NOT talking or whispering about me (how conceited of me to think so, right?). But having a child...a literal piece of my heart....come into this age, I find all of these insecurities rearing their ugly heads. As we were leaving an event a few weeks ago, we walked past some kids his age that laughed shortly after we went by. My heart sunk to my feet and I blurted out to him, "Why do you think those kids were laughing?" He just kept walking and said, "Who cares?" I can't even explain the relief I felt in that moment....he just literally didn't care. I've always wished I had spent SO much less time worrying about what other people thought about me in school. To know that at least right now, in this pivotal age in his life, the judgement of his peers wasn't a weight he was carrying was a breath of fresh air for me. 

We've both come a long way, me and him. He's slowly morphing into the boy (kid? man?) we've been praying he'll be. And I've been morphing into the mom He wants me to be. Turns out I DO like sports if he's the one playing them. I can talk about athlete's stats, game scores and the newest pair of Nikes he wants for hours if it means he wants to spend time with me. We do indeed both REALLY enjoy a good carb-loading session (although we forgo the marathon that usually gets ran AFTER carb-loading sessions). We find common ground in our sarcasm and sense of humor. And every now and then....very rarely and don't tell him I told you.....I can even get him to snuggle with me for a minute. But only for a minute...he's never still for too long. Afterall, he's a pre-teen with a life to live!

Time is a thief. It's amazing how quickly this....

Turns into this....

But a mom's heart can see it all at once, can't it? The baby freshly washed in the hospital gown....the toddler laughing in the bathtub....the scrawny six-year-old covered in dirt with holes in his jeans....the ten year old holding up both hands to show his double digits as he blows out his candle....all wrapped up in the body of a twelve year old, just on the cusp of manhood. Learning one day at a time how to become who he's meant to be. Me and you both, bud.

So here we are....seems God knew I really needed that boy.

In case you were wondering....

.....Yes, we're still alive! We've had a whirlwind of a few months and my blogging has suffered because of it. But here I am to update everyone who is waiting with baited breath (all three of you) to see what's been going on with the Wilhelms!

We still have our sweet little 2 year old boy with us that we've had since March. He's DEFINITELY comfortable with our family and has decided to start showing us his silly, ornery side along with letting his "terrible twos" come out. His favorite word is NO and he likes to color on walls, doors, tables, couches....you know....anything EXCEPT paper! He is OBSESSED with sports balls of any kind and is devastated every day when we make him change his socks and take his coat off. He thinks it's HILARIOUS to toot on anybody he can get to and laughs so hard when we tell him not to pick his nose because it's gross (typical boy). He's just so funny! I don't know HOW a 2 year old can be sarcastic already, but he totally is.

Just a few days ago, his newborn brother came into care as well. While we are so glad to be able to provide a safe place for him and he is the CUTEST, squishiest little guy, I am hurting for the boys' mom and praying things turn around quickly for her. Please join me in that prayer! While foster care is amazing in so many ways, it is equally sad and overwhelming in others.

We were unsure about taking a newborn because we feel like we're old and we really like sleep and we had NO idea who we could find to take care of a newborn while we work, but God provided a daycare, our family and friends have provided clothes, formula and everything else we could need and we've even gotten a few hours of sleep each night :) His sweet little smiles and his little dimple make up for the all-night grunts and poop explosions.

All of the kids love having a baby in the house and I especially love that the 2 year old gets his biological sibling with him. He is LOVING "helping" feed him and bringing me diapers for him and anything else he can do. It's very sweet and I'm glad they get to be together! My older two are the absolute BEST helpers and have done so much to make the transition easier.

So here we are....unexpectedly back to being a party of 6, driving the hot-mess express and walking around like sleep-deprived zombies. If you see my dirt-covered Tahoe screeching into the school parking lot at 8:14am and me shoving my half-dressed kids out the door so they're not "technically late" while empty water bottles and cracker wrappers fall out the door behind them, please just throw up the Katniss Everdeen 3-fingered salute and pray for the odds to be ever in my favor!

Tessa's 7th birthday celebration!

She went to bed as my 6 year old baby....

.......and woke up as a sassy 7 year old girl!!

We usually fill their room with balloons and I totally thought I had a bunch in our birthday decoration box...but when she finally went to bed the night before her birthday, I dug the box out and NO BALLOONS! So I put streamers all over her door instead. Not gonna lie...I'd be totally okay discontinuing the balloon tradition and doing streamers instead. It takes a loooooooooooooong time to blow up enough balloons to cover the floor!

She had chosen donuts for breakfast, so she blew out her candle and then wanted to open a few of her gifts.

I love her so much!

One of the presents she opened that morning was this unicorn lamp. It will always make me laugh! When I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she thought for a minute and then said in the sweetest voice, "Can you get me a lamp that doesn't burn me?" I was like, "What the heck are you talking about??" She said the lamp she currently had (which was like a goose-necked metal lamp) burns her hands every time she turns it on and off. I felt so bad, but she'd never told me that before, so I got her a lamp that didn't burn her (and was super cute!).

After gifts, we took a few fun pictures outside and then headed to Nana's for her party with her cousins.

After I got off work, I picked up Tessa and Nana and we met Aunt Brooke in Wichita. Tessa had decided she wanted to do a girls shopping evening for her birthday. And I'm so glad she did! It was a lot of fun!

She opened her present from Aunt Brooke in the car and was SO excited! She got a Garmin Vivofit--she'd been wanting one for SO long!

We went to Wal-Mart, where Tessa bought a baby doll that poops and pees in her diaper--Nana thought it was disgusting! Tessa thought it was hilarious!

What's a trip to Wal-Mart without a group selfie in the middle aisle?!?

After Wal-Mart, we went to the mall and ate in the food court. Tessa had a piece of pizza the size of her head and loved it! We did some shopping at a few different stores and it was so cute to watch her try to figure out what she wanted to spend her money on!

We got home kind of late, but she wanted to spread her loot out on the floor and check out everything she'd got. She had her baby doll, a pound of candy (don't ask), fake glasses and some random odds and ends from Justice. A pretty successful shopping trip overall!

We did cupcakes with Tommy and Dad and then it was off to bed!

For her friend and family party this year, she decided to share a pool party with her cousin again (they did it the year before and had so much fun!). She wanted a unicorn pool party theme and surprisingly enough, I found some plates and napkins that actually had that theme--ha!

We blew out candles and opened presents before they started swimming. She got so many fun things! All of our family was there and she had a few sweet friends show up. 

After presents and cake, they had so much fun swimming and playing with the presents Tessa had opened. We love doing pool parties because the clean up is minimal and the entertainment is so easy!

We had so much fun celebrating seven with you, sweet girl!

To Tessa on your 7th birthday...

7 years. It doesn't seem possible. I can literally remember the SECOND I found out I was pregnant with you and all the chaos that came after! It feels like it was yesterday.

I am having SO much fun with you as a seven year old. Your toothless grin makes me so happy and your sweet heart brings me joy.

You have started to REALLY find your sass. It's not often that you back talk or get an attitude, but it's happened a little more frequently lately. It always takes me by surprise a bit and sometimes makes me giggle on the inside because of how much attitude you can give with your eyes! You definitely let us know what you're feeling.

You get really offended when you get in trouble. You sometimes get mad, but usually just get sad and won't talk to us for a little bit. We just give you your space and after 30 minutes or so of being alone in your room, you're ready to work it out! You never stay too mad for too long!

99% of the time, you are sweet and kind! You are ALWAYS willing to help us out with pretty much anything and are always wanting to pitch in and learn about what we're doing. You're like a second mother to your little brother--you've made a lot of money recently changing his diapers because daddy offers to pay you, knowing you'll say yes and he'll get out of changing dirty diapers.

You're already a little entrepreneur and LOVE finding ways to earn money so you can buy what you want. You ask for extra chores and always want me to try to sell things on Facebook. You are constantly asking to have garage sales and lemonade stands so you can sell your junk--I love it!

You're still the best one in the family at finding things. When everyone else has looked for something, we ask you to look and you almost ALWAYS find whatever is missing!

You love playing with slime and watching YouTube videos about making slime. You could seriously watch them for hours if we let you! I always say I'll never understand but then sometimes catch myself watching them with you--ha! You're into nail polish and Junie B Jones books and stuffed animals and twirly skirts. You like riding bikes and playing outside with your brothers. You would be pantsless every hour of the day if we allowed it. You HATE wearing pants! You love swimming and playing in the water, but nothing tops your love of swinging on the monkey bars and trying to skip as many bars as you can!

I seriously LOVE the age you're at and the person you're becoming. I enjoy our conversations and hope you're always willing to share your heart and thoughts with me! You're my best girl and I'm so glad you're my daughter!

Happy birthday, Tessa Grace!

Wilhelm, party of 6!

Welp.

It's official.

We've lost our minds.

We now have two foster kiddos and have become a family of six! I'm sure there are some large bio and foster families out there laughing and thinking, "4 kids? That's nothing!" I know so many people with a LOT of kids that handle it with such grace and make it look easy (I'm lookin at you, Nick and Maria Engels!!!).

While they're over there looking cool as a cucumber, I'm now the hot mess mom that's late everywhere with spit up on my shirt and the contents of the diaper bag rolling around in the back of my car. It takes me 10 minutes to load and unload our vehicle with 4 kids and all the crap necessary stuff that comes with them!

HOWEVER.....

While two additional kids at once was NOT on our agenda at all, God was doing His thing once again.

After our first placement went home so unexpectedly, we took a week off and then let our workers know we were ready for the next one. I had really had on my heart that God was telling me we were going to have a little girl soon. Under the age of one. And I was perfectly okay with that! We told them they could say yes to any placement under the age of two without any huge medical needs.

We were excited and ready for our next kiddo. But I can't tell you how many texts we got with a heads up about a kiddo and then a text a bit later saying they'd already been placed. It's crazy how quickly the little ones in foster care get placed! We would take 30 minutes or so to review their paperwork and by the time we'd made a decision, they'd already been put somewhere. We are so glad there are so many homes wanting these kiddos, but we were getting kind of bummed because it had been another week or so that we were waiting on a kid and just not getting any placements.

And then we got a call for a little boy! 21 months old, no special needs, just taken into care. We said yes right away and arrangements were made for him to come that night. I was a little disappointed in the fact that I thought maybe I had heard God wrong since it was a boy and older than one. But I also felt confident in saying yes to this little guy.

He came to our house with crazy hair and a super quiet personality. He is a GREAT sleeper, calm mannered and loves to eat! For the first few weeks, the only time he got upset was when he was hangry (which I totally understand). He became SUPER attached to Tessa and wants to be with her all the time. And she loves it! His transition into our family has been seamless.

We had gotten into a good routine with him and we all loved him so much already! But I kept feeling a tug on my heart about a little girl. Like there was a little lady out there that needed me--I had a literal pain in my heart thinking that I wasn't with her while not even knowing who she was. I kept praying about it and let Nick know how I was feeling. We had been told little man might not be with us a SUPER long time (nobody knows for sure in the system, but that was just the heads up we were given). So I asked Nick what he thought about telling our workers to keep an eye out for another placement, but to tell them we only wanted a girl between the ages of newborn to 18 months. It took a few days but he eventually agreed to it and we let our workers know.

We figured with the age and gender stipulations it would take several weeks to get a new placement and that we would maybe only have two extra kiddos for a short time.

You would think we would know better--ha! After getting so many false alarms about babies while waiting for our second placement....it took TWO DAYS for one of my workers to text me.

She said, "You might want to start preparing for a baby girl."

I didn't get too excited because I didn't figure it would actually go through. But as the day went on, she was able to give me more details and eventually said it was a definite thing and we were getting a 2 month old girl that night!

My heart was RACING and I went into mom-mode. I ran to Goodwill and bought a few things to get us through until we knew what all she needed. One of my sweet workers had bought us some diapers and bottles and onesies and wipes and bows, so I ran by and grabbed those from her. As I was driving to get home to meet this little girl my heart had been waiting for, I called one of my lifelong friends that also does foster care. I was telling her about getting this kiddo and where she was from. She said, "Oh, that's where T (her youngest foster daughter) is from!" I told her the baby's name and she said, "NO WAY!"

Friends, this is how good God is.

We pieced together that the baby girl we were getting was the little sister of the girl Ashley has had for the last year.

Out of ALL of the people in Kansas that she could have been placed with, He chose us. A family that already knew and loved her biological sister.  A family that had already baby-sat her biological sister. A family that could keep her and her sister in contact and let their relationship grow while each of us has them.

He is good.

And through Him, we now have two sons and two daughters. I wish SO bad I could post a picture of the 4 of them and show you how blood has nothing to do with sibling love. My kids have taken these two in and loved them like they've been with us since day one (and it feels like they have).

So we are tired, we are busy, we've had a lot of PB and J dinners and our house is a disaster.

But MAN, our hearts are bursting at the seams!

Hard things are not so hard when you know you're living in God's will for your life.

Whitney's Wedding

As much fun as Disney World and the beach was, at the end of our vacation came the REAL reason for spending time in Florida! We got to see Whitney Jo marry her man!

Their wedding was on a Saturday afternoon and the weather was PERFECT. Sunny skies, blue water and a gorgeous stretch of sand.

We had the most delicious breakfast together cooked by her awesome family and future family! And then we lounged a bit, I got to watch Whit get her hair and makeup done and then it was finally time for the big moment!

We got to spend a few minutes with the bride before she walked down the aisle...such a sweet time!

Me with my hubs, remembering the day we said I Do.....not really. We were just enjoying the sunshine and waiting for the bride to make her appearance!

And Miss Hollywood herself showed up! Ha! Brylie is such a character and so sassy...I LOVE her!

The wedding set up was BEAUTIFUL!

 

Her daddy walker her down the aisle....he wasn't crying, but I can't say he wasn't thinking about it ;) There were a few random spectators on the beach that were enjoying watching the wedding too!

 

There ceremony was short and sweet and perfect. Before we knew it, they were pronounced husband and wife....Mr. and Mrs. Harper!

And then it was time to PARTY. We hung out on the beach for a few more pictures.....

We loved hanging out with this crew all week and getting to know Stephen's family better!

After pictures, we went inside for a DELICIOUS dinner. It was seriously SO good. And the decorations were the cutest!

After dinner, we topped the night off with a bonfire on the beach. It was literally the perfect way to end a perfect day. The guys and kids played football for awhile and the rest of us toasted smores and lounged. It was awesome!
 

The whole day was magic! 

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Harper!