Friday, March 30, 2012

10 things NOT to do at a doctor's office

There are things that happen at my job on a regular basis that drive me INSANE that I've got to get our of my system. Just a few tips on what not to do the next time you go to the doctor.

10. Do not ask a nurse for a cup. Why do you need a cup? If you have a kid, why don't you bring your OWN cup to the doctor? We don't have time to go back to the kitchen every 20 minutes to find you a cup. It's particularly annoying that I sit RIGHT by the water fountain where you are more than welcome to stand there and drink water from it for as long as you desire.

9. Don't make your kid take their shoes off for height and weight if they're wearing lace up shoes and they can't take them on or off by themselves in less than 30 seconds. It takes too long and the 5 ounces it adds to your weight and the 1/2 an inch it adds to your height does not in any way alter our course of treatment. It is not vital to your office visit that you be shoeless!! It drives me NUTS!

8. I don't need to know what medications your child USED to be on. When we ask for current meds, it truly means CURRENT meds. If they took their last dose of antibiotics 3 weeks ago, it's irrelevant to today's appointment.

7. Don't let your kid tear the table paper into a million little pieces. Although entertaining for them, it's SO aggrivating to have to vaccum a room between each patient. It's called etiquette. And if you do let them do it, have the decency to clean it up yourself.

6. If there's a sign up that says no food or drink.........well, it's self-explanitory. It means EXACTLY that. Does anyone FOLLOW the sign?!? No. I don't want to pick up a million goldfish that got crushed into the carpet or have to explain to people that the huge puddle of fluid soaked into the floor is actually someone's 32 oz QT drink that spilled and not vomit. We're nurses, not maids. Respect the signs people. They're there for a reason.

5. Do not answer your cell phone while you're being called back to a room. We don't have time to wait until you're done talking about the chicken thawing in the sink or how mad you are that some (insert cuss word here) cut you off while you were driving. It's SO rude to ignore the person who is trying to medically evaluate you while you're chit-chatting away.

4. Don't lie about your medications or your kids' medications. If you stopped giving them, we WILL find out. There are blood tests for those kind of things, folks. If you tell me you SWEAR you took your medicine but your blood level is zero, guess what. You're caught!! Hahahaha.......I love seeing people's faces when that happens.

3. Don't lie about how much caffeine you drink, whether you're sexually active or if you smoke anything. We don't really care, we have to ask for insurance and medication purposes. Why are people so embarrassed to answer those questions? Some parents act like we'll turn them in to SRS if we know they give their kid caffeine. Also, if they don't drink caffeine, I don't need to know that they drink juice, milk, water, gatorade, sprite, rootbeer, etc. A simple yes or no will do. Thanks!

2. Don't ask me if anyone is in the bathroom. I don't know. I'm a nurse, not a bathroom monitor. Just because my desk is by the bathroom (which is the worst possible location for a nurse's station) doesn't mean I sit and watch what every person who walks past my desk is doing.  I'll give you the #1 best way to find out if the bathroom is already occupied. Wiggle the handle and knock! If someone answers, don't go in. If the door is locked, wait your turn. Who would've thought, right?! So simple, yet so many people seem to not do this.

And the number 1 thing that drives me up a wall and straight to crazy town................................

1. Do not---I repeat do NOT-- show up 30 minutes early and then when it's 5 minutes past your appt time be rude and nasty to everyone and ask the receptionist how long it's going to be until you're seen and that you've been waiting for 40 minutes. You can't expect to be seen early just because you show up early. And if I find out you're complaining, I'll be sure to take my time getting you called back :) Don't be early to ANY appts. Trust me, it never pays off :) Be on time. And if you find a doctor who runs on time, let me know and I'll start going there.


Okay, now that I can rest assured you've all been taught proper doctor appointment procedures, I can relax. It's just that these things happen EVERY day and to me, they're common sense, but apparently 90 % of the world doesn't have common sense :)

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