Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Random

Okay, so it's been a LOOOOONG time since I've written. Oops. Not that any of my faithful followers are missing anything huge (hello?? are you out there??) :) This post is going to be random. I've been hit with a lot of thoughts this week and here they are in no particular order! I think the last month of pregnancy is soley used to torture future mothers. I mean, the doctor and all the websites said that if Tommy was born NOW, he'd have a 99.9% chance of living. And I still have 5 weeks left. So please tell me WHY pregnancy is 40 weeks and not 36?!? I have been up about every 1 1/2 hours during the night to go to the bathroom. And if anyone else says, "It's just to get you ready for when Tommy wakes up at night!!!" I think I MIGHT have to scream. Yes, I'm sure the feeling of having to use the bathroom so bad that I am afraid I won't make it in time and then producing a small thimble sized amount of pee is only being done by my body in preperation to get me ready to wake up with my crying baby at night. Sure, that's GOT to be it. Or not. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have a 6 pound child rolling around in my stomach 24 hours a day and pressing on my lady parts (Oddly enough, as I was typing this, someone asked me how I was and I said tired and what do you think they said?!?! That God was preparing me to be up with my child!! Oh brother.). I am pretty sure we are just now realizing our lives are about to be drastically changed. The other night, after laying on the couch for 2 hours straight--Nick watching football, me reading a book--Nick said, "yeah.......in about a month, we're not gonna be able to do this anymore." And I laughed (half out of amusement, half out of hysterics because I know he's right). But it's true. Everything will be different and I KNOW once he's here, it will only be different in a good way. But right now, it's scary! I'm realizing lately that I am the kind of person that just waits for the bottom to fall out of everything. On one hand, that's not such a horrible thing because when it does, I'm not really disappointed because I'm expecting it. But on the other hand, what the heck?!!? When did I turn into one of those??? But it's true. I've always had this nagging thought in the back of my head that for SOME reason, I wouldn't be able to have kids. I know it was Satan trying to bring me down and it worked. I had myself convinced that it was the truth and I would just have to end up adopting or foster parenting or something like that. Or that if I WAS able to get pregnant, my kid would have a disability or something extremely wrong with it. And now that I'm carrying this baby, I feel like I'm going to get to the end of the pregnancy and someone's gonna pop out of thin air and tell me this was all a joke and I don't get my sweet little Tommy at the end of it!!! Yet again, Satan at work. I'm going to try to work on expecting the best out of situations instead of just waiting for everything to fall apart. I guess also, it's just hard to get the fact in my head that God is trusting me with this sweet little life. Talk about intimidating!! Holy smokes. Have you ever thought about what a TRUE priviledge it is to get to have a child? Amazing and wonderful. I'm also realizing that I am just an old soul at heart. I've always had an idea of this but I think when I was younger, I fought it and WANTED to be outgoing and vivacious and all those things teenagers and young adults are supposed to be. Now that I'm old (almost 27!! which means ALMOST 30!! YIKES!!), I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am just that.......OLD! I like to just be with my family. The older I get, the less I like the cold and the more I enjoy the sun (which is something I NEVER thought would happen). I don't like crowded places and would prefer 2-3 hours of vegging at home over 2-3 hours shopping in a crazy busy mall. I don't see the sense in speeding anymore--my logic (which is TOTALLY true) is that people speed and I go the speed limit and we end up at the same stop light in the end. I have actually caught myself saying that young kids these days don't understand the value of a dollar. What?!? It's happening. I'm turning into my mom!! But the best part is, I see now that turning into my mom is a HUGE blessing and I am okay with that! I hope this random thinking didn't bore anyone to tears but I wanted a place to go back and remember the things I'm thinking and going through before the birth of my first little baby!! Hopefully, the next time I post will be pictures of Tommy!

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