Tuesday, August 7, 2012

OVER IT!!

**Disclaimer: If you don't want to hear some kind of gross things about me, quit reading now.

The last fews day, I've started to think, "Is this really happening?" about every 5 minutes. Things were getting better---and then they stopped getting better. Sunday night, we were determined to get Tommy to sleep by 9:30pm and ourselves in bed by 10pm. Nick had to get up and go to work Monday at 4am. We were doing good!! It was 9:30pm and I put Tommy in our bed to lay down with him but had to use the restroom real quick. I'd been keeping a cloth diaper over my c-section scar since I had a skin infection and because the glue they'd put over my stitches had started sticking to EVERYTHING. So anyways, I pulled my shorts down and took the cloth off and fluid just started pooling on the floor. Like, literally gushing out of my incision. I panicked for a minute and started crying until I heard Tommy start crying. I looked up and realized he had seen the whole thing happen and managed to get myself together long enough to holler for Nick and to ask God, "Is this really happening??"  He came running in and talked me through deep breathing until I was over my miniature panick attack :) Dramatic? Yes. Annoying? YES!

I REALLY thought I was done with all this stuff. I thought I was on the downhill side of things where it was going to get easier and I was going to get to ENJOY my newborn and my husband and son. Nope. Wrong again. I paged my OB and soaked through about 6 cloth diapers. There was blood and fluid on everything! It was gross and scary and frustrating. I laid on the bed and tried not to move while Nick was trying to see if one of my stitches had popped (it had). My OB's nurse called me back and said I needed to be seen first thing in the morning. Which was great, but we had no idea what to do in the mean time. My incision leakage certainly wasn't lightening up. So Nick finally had the brilliant idea to put one of Tommy's diapers over it and then I stuffed a few dish towels down my pants and called it good. We layered trash bags, old towels and a few old sheets under me and I laid down for the night. I had also called my mom (who is the most awesome mom in the world, by the way) and asked if she could come for the night so I would have some help in the morning when the kids got up and Nick was already at work. She rushed over and got settled downstairs to sleep.

Now, Tessa had been sleeping REALLY well. Like 4 1/2 to 6 hour stretches at a time. So I was banking on the fact that I would still get a decent's night sleep, even though we ended up going to bed closer to 11pm then 10pm like we had tried for. But Sunday night...........of ALL nights.........not just Tessa, but Tommy as well, woke up multiple times. I have no idea why Tommy was waking up, but after the 3rd time of getting him back to sleep in his own bed, we finally gave up and put him in our bed. JUUUUUUUST as he was falling to sleep (at 3:00am), Tessa woke up. Which woke Tommy back up. We got her fed and back asleep, but Tommy kept tossing and turning (and somehow managing to kick my incision every time he moved) until I finally asked my mom to come sleep with me so Nick could go on the couch for the last hour he had until he had to get up for work. Tommy didn't fall asleep until 5:30am. I asked my mom, "Is this night really happening?"

I got about 4 hours of sleep for the night and then had to get up and get ready to go to the doctor. My sister came and got me and the kids (she's the best sister in the world, by the way) and luckily, we got right in to see Dr. Hague. She numbed me up (which hurt SO freaking bad) and cut my stitches open a little more. Then they shoved this little ribbon cloth in there and left some if it hanging out of the wound so it would drain. It was a not too pleasant experience that I definately could've lived without. They said it wasn't infected right then, but it looked like it could go that way fast, so they were setting up an appointment at a wound care clinic and I'm going back tomorrow to see if it's infected or not. If not, we'll cancel the other appointment, but if so, I have to go in and have something done that's supposed to make it heal pretty quickly. IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING????

Doesn't God realize I have to be in my sister's wedding in FOUR DAYS?!?!? And next week, I won't have any baby-sitter and I need to be on the top of my game physically to be able to chase a toddler and meet the demands of a newborn?!? I'm trying really hard to see His plan in all of it, but I have to say, I've never been this frustrated in my life. It's like the only thing holding me back right now is my body and no matter how hard I try to fix it, it's not working. SUPER ANNOYING. So if you think of it in your prayer time, PLEASE pray my incision heals quickly and isn't infected. I'm over it and ready to start feeling normal and making a new normal with my TWO babies.

And I promise my next post will not be full of whining :)

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